First Day On The Job
by
Rating: PG-13
Characters: Snape, Eileen, Hagrid, Minerva, Flitwick
Word Count: 3,572
Disclaimer: All the characters are Rowling's. The situations they're in are mine. No profit was made.
Summary: Snape discovers the fine old tradition of taking the mickey out of the new teacher is alive and well at Hogwarts...
Severus straightened his collar and adjusted his robes. He was not yet going to teach, but it would be his first day on the job.
His mother had been so proud, but she'd told him the Hogwarts staff might take the mickey out of him his first day. She had not said, although she did not have to, that some might be resentful of him or be biased against Death Eaters. To her, not a reader of the Prophet or much involved with the Wizarding world since her family had disowned her for following her heart instead of their doctrine, the Death Eaters were simply another political group like the Conservationists or the Goblin Rights League.
He had not dissuaded her of this belief. He still felt mingled shame and pride over having joined them. On one hand, he knew he'd been foolish to join, but on the other, there were no others now that had been in his unique position to help bring the organization and its members low.
Hence, he had been doubtful of her appraisal of his situation. The Hogwarts Staff seemed to value their dignity, so he didn't think they would take the mickey out of him for being new, if anything, it would be for being tainted. He would still be careful, however, since it was in his nature.
Nothing had happened, though, when he showed up the required two weeks before term in order to get his lesson plans ready, go over the assigned reading, and discuss departmental matters at the pre-term staff meeting. He had been a bit unsure of himself, but hid it well, he thought.
They had all welcomed him with solemn handshakes and waves of the hand as he sat down.
Poppy Pomfrey had given him the list of potions required for the Infirmary. The Headmaster had told him only NEWT level students were allowed to assist in the making of any potions for the school and instructed him they were never to be given as detentions.
Pomona Sprout had given him the list of herbs and plants she could volunteer for Potions, along with a list of plant preparations she would require, and a private request for sunburn balm and skin salve she always wound up needing either for herself or for detention students.
Hagrid had given him a very messy, nearly illegible list of animals he could provide for Potions. It was smudged with tear stains and Hagrid's voice had quavered alarmingly as he'd asked Snape to be sure "the poor li'l things don' suffer when you kill 'em."
Bloody Trelawney had nearly gagged him with her perfume, offered him his choice of a card, fortune ball or mystic reading, since he was now on staff, in exchange for a special face cream if he could possibly see his way to making it? He declined her offer, several times, and decided to sit between Flitwick and Filch henceforth.
Still, despite all this, the staff had behaved themselves with the fussy dignity he had been expecting, and he decided his mother must have been mistaken. No one had even mentioned his trial, much less his having been a Death Eater. It seemed whatever opinion they had on the matter; the Headmaster had ensured harmony by insisting at the start of the meeting that regardless of whatever contretemps any of them had gotten up to before showing up for work, he expected the usual show of interdepartmental amity and only good-natured betting on sporting events.
Severus began to look forward to his first day of classes with no small amount of excitement, as well as trepidation.
~(*)~
The first day of classes, there was to be another staff meeting at teatime to cover any exigencies based on observations of the day, and any issues or new considerations that might have been overlooked.
When Severus sat down, his chair had broken underneath him.
He'd been more surprised than hurt, and Hagrid had quickly lifted him to his feet with embarrassing ease whilst he tried to ignore the titters from the other staff members.
"Sorry 'bout tha'," Hagrid had said apologetically.
He had trundled off with the broken chair as Minerva recovered from her well-hidden snicker to wave her wand and transform a stack of old and dog-eared Daily Prophets into a sturdy wooden chair. He inclined his head gravely and thanked her, sitting gingerly upon it.
Pomona had brought a bottle of homemade blackberry wine with her for all to share and he had to work at concealing a grin at the thought of having wine for the first time with his work colleagues. He felt quite grown up.
A generous dark magenta portion was poured for him by Pomona into his tea mug just as she did everyone else's, and he could smell the richness of the berries as he lifted the mug to his lips. He closed his eyes to savour the taste, which was surprisingly bland. He opened his eyes to find water in his mug. He looked around, a bit confused at first, but the rest of the staff was making appreciative sighs and praising Pomona's wine. He frowned now. Someone was playing a prank on him!
He set his mug down and drew in a slow and even breath and let it out just as slowly.
"Well, Severus, how do you find Pomona's wine?"
He looked to Minerva and lifted a brow. "I really could not tell you, since my mug appears to be full of water."
There. See what would be made of that.
The Headmaster frowned and looked at his mug. "Oh, dear. It does indeed appear as if Severus got water instead."
Pomona frowned now. "I'm positive I poured him some wine."
"Maybe it wen' in the wrong glass," Hagrid postulated, looking confused.
"No matter," the Headmaster smiled, waving his wand at Severus's mug. "There. Try that, my boy."
Severus took the mug back and stared at the deep magenta liquid, sniffed the bouquet which was rich and ripe and fragrant, and lifted the mug to his lips, taking a deep swallow... of water.
He closed his eyes, refusing to offer the prankster the satisfaction of nettling him. He opened his eyes again and smiled slightly at Pomona.
"Quite refreshing."
She beamed at him and he set his mug down and waited for the meeting to begin.
Nothing else happened and he became a bit bored listening to Binns complaining about all the students that seemed to fall asleep in his classroom. A nudge to his arm roused him and he looked to find Hooch smiling at him and handing him a set of what looked like black Muggle binoculars.
"Magna-oculars," she whispered. "I always give a pair to the new teachers so they can watch the Quidditch practices and games better."
He nodded and thanked her, a bit surprised to receive such a thoughtful gift. He studied the Magna-oculars, particularly impressed at the Pause and Replay settings, as well as the Zooming feature. He put them to his eyes experimentally and tried to focus on the lakeside out the window. The view was sharp and clear and surprisingly wide. He approved.
He put them down and turned to thank Hooch, but was surprised to see her hiding a titter. He frowned, looked around; only to face still more titters. What the devil?
"It appears you've fallen for a time-honoured prank, my boy," the Headmaster said gently. He swiped a finger to his own eye socket and smiled.
With a sinking feeling, Severus did the same only to find soot covered his fingers. He groaned and the rest of the staff laughed openly, although Minerva transformed his napkin into a mirror and Pomona offered him a handkerchief.
He looked in the mirror and rolled his eyes at the two perfect circles of soot around his eyes. Damn and blast!
He used the mirror to remove the soot with the handkerchief he dampened in his mug of water, and then sighed, disquieted.
~(*)~
During his last class of the day, which was Sixth Year NEWT level, he decided to save himself some time by marking the First and Fourth year assessment tests he had handed out in the earlier classes.
He worked quite diligently and without much need to watch the class, and near the end of the second hour, he was pleased with how much he'd gotten accomplished. He picked up one of the last essays to mark and went to dip his quill. His nib bit into the desktop and he frowned. The inkwell was still there. He sniffed and moved it a bit closer to his blotter.
He picked up the essay again and began reading. Soon an error cropped up and he went to dip his quill. His nib bit into his blotter and he scowled. The inkwell was back where it had been before. He glared now at the class who did not even notice, all the students busy with assigned reading and note taking. Not a single one was even smiling or trying to appear inconspicuous. He frowned at the inkwell. He could have sworn he'd moved it closer. Perhaps he only thought he had.
He deliberately picked it up and put it by his blotter. He set the essay down and placed a finger near the error on the parchment and picked up his quill. He moved it toward the inkwell and watched as the inkwell jumped silently out of the way. He pursed his lips.
He approached the inkwell with the quill and again it moved. He drew in a deep breath and tried to dip his quill faster, before it could move and the inkwell crashed to the floor, shattering and spilling scarlet ink everywhere.
Bloody flipping hell!
The entire class had been startled into looking up and he scowled as he waved his wand to evanesco the mess.
"Class dismissed," he sighed, not the least amused. "Bring up your papers whether they are finished or not."
~(*)~
During dinner that night, he got a lovely bit of roast chicken... from which an egg rolled out. The fingerling potatoes sprouted fake eyeballs as he tried to eat them. The vegetable marrows bounced like rubber when he tried to spear them and his tea changed, by turns, into pumpkin juice, cocoa, brown ale, bitter lemon, champagne, orange fizz, and barley water.
He was near the end of his patience when his pudding of spotted dick manifested... with the spots arranged into a wide grinning face. He sneered and wiped his mouth carefully with his napkin and set it atop the grinning dick.
"I think I've had enough, Headmaster, he said as calmly as he could manage, before pushing his chair back to stand.
Suddenly the egg in his plate cracked open and a spray of confetti shot out and over him and the staff seated near him burst into titters. The nearby students looked up and also began laughing and pointing.
Severus stood, feeling a furious flush covering his face and looked to the Headmaster who took one look at him and chuckled.
"Oh, my, dear boy. You really have got a way of attracting attention."
He frowned at this and Minerva, still tittering under a hand, handed him a mirror.
He groaned as he noted where he had wiped his face with the napkin, all around his mouth, was now stained berry red. He looked at the napkin, which still appeared ivory and quite dry and stalked out of the hall, escaping the laughter in as dignified a manner as he could manage.
~(*)~
Severus stormed into his quarters and threw himself into the chair by the fireplace, fuming.
Before too long, there was a knock at his door and he sighed, sparing a thought to his ridiculous appearance, but he had no idea what might happen if he tried to wash off whatever the stain was; it might be worse, or make him sprout feathers. He had no idea, but it seemed his mother was right. The staff was definitely taking the mickey out of him and with vengeance.
He'd no idea they disliked him so intensely. The thought was disturbing. Was it because he was new or because he'd been, well, technically was a Death Eater?
The knock sounded again and he went to the door, deciding that if it were a student, he would verbally flay them. To his surprise, the diminutive Flitwick stood there.
"What can I do for you, Professor?" he asked, before berating himself internally for his lapse. It was still very difficult for him to address his new colleagues as if they weren't his teachers, as indeed they had been just a few short years back.
"Please feel free to call me Filius, Severus. May I come in?"
"Of course."
He stood back and closed the door behind the Charms Professor and watched him climb into a fireside chair and sit down. He sat in the other.
"Would you care for some house wine, Filius?" Severus managed. He was proud of himself for getting the name out without hesitation.
"That sounds lovely, Severus, however, I think you're rather more in need of some of this."
Filius pulled out a magnum from a pocket obviously too small to have held it and handed it over to him.
Severus was surprised to see it was labeled Flitwick's Firewhiskey. He lifted a brow.
"My own. I dabble. I know Ogden's is more popular, but then giving a new colleague a magnum would be prohibitive."
He considered this, then set it down on the table and waved his wand to summon two glasses. He would damn well make sure Flitwick had the first drink.
Flitwick clapped his hands and the cork popped expertly from the bottle and he waved his wand with flair to get the bottle to pour into their glasses.
He did not even watch Severus, but picked up his glass and said, "To a successful new term!" Snape watched as he upended his glass without a second thought.
Severus got his own glass, studied the amber liquid that had streaks of fiery red flickering through it. He smelt it, and then sipped cautiously. The impact of it was literally breathtaking, and he could feel it burning all the way down.
He set his glass down and fought to keep from wheezing.
"Very good, is it not? Though it is rather immodest of me to say so."
Severus nodded. It was just the thing actually. He could feel it soothing him now; warming his veins and making him feel relaxed.
He sat back and sighed.
"Rough day, I take it," Flitwick said sympathetically.
"That is has been. It's... different than I expected. In some ways easier, in others--"
"Vastly more difficult, I'd wager," Filius said with a nod, pouring himself another glass.
"I'd feel more at ease if I felt I had the rest of the staff's... confidence."
Flitwick smiled now as he upended his second glass and patted his stomach contentedly.
"Oh, you do, my boy! In spades!"
"Then why the devil is everyone tearing the mickey out of me like they despise me?" he said plaintively, then damned himself for sounding so pathetic.
"Is that what you think? I assure you, you are quite mistaken."
"Filius... look at my face and tell me what you see."
"It looks like a banshee wearing Autumn Sunset lipstick tried to kiss you rather vigorously," Flitwick said with a twinkle in his eyes. "In fact, if you can't remove it by the morrow, I'd strongly suggest that is what you tell people when explaining how you got that way. Nothing like taking others aback with humour."
"Someone did this because they wanted me to look ridiculous, a figure of fun before the students. I'll never win their respect this way," he fretted now, wondering just how strong Flitwick's Firewhiskey was to make him so unguarded with his thoughts.
Filius looked a bit sad now, and he reached out a small hand to pat Severus's.
"No, Severus. They did it because they like you. I can assure you that the staff only teases those they truly like. If they despised you, they would ignore you utterly, and avoid you. I'll swear that with a Vow of Verity if you like."
To his disquiet, Severus found his eyes stinging at this comment. He cleared his throat.
"Filius, as I'm sure you remember, I was teased all during school, every single year, and they didn't do it because they bloody well liked me. They did it because they despised me... and I hadn't even done anything to cause them to despise me at the time. So I'm sure you'll pardon my saying I find it hard to believe you."
Flitwick looked troubled at this and he blinked a few times as he considered his response. Finally, he sighed and squeezed the hand he had been patting.
"Severus, my boy, what the other students did whilst you were a student was not good-natured teasing. They tormented you. There is a difference, and I assure you that I and the other staff comprehend that difference very well. We would not have committed any of these pranks if we'd any idea you'd take it as harassment. We do the same to all our new colleagues. We have as far back as I can remember. It's tradition and it's meant in good fun."
Severus found a rather dry lump in his throat now accompanied the suspicious stinging in his eyes, but he merely cleared his throat before speaking.
"I'll take what you've told me under consideration."
"You do that, my boy, you do that. Speaking only for myself, I'm quite fond of you. You were a studious and hard-working boy and I admire that. And I admire the man before me here today."
Flitwick got up as Severus blinked rapidly, trying to dispel the annoying stinging. Once standing, Filius bowed at him.
"Thank you very much for your time. I'll be going now, if you don't mind my using your Floo?"
Snape shook his head, still trying to swallow the damnable lump.
"Very good then. Oh, and let me," Filius waved his wand toward his face and Severus felt a tingle of magic pass over his upper lip and chin and cheeks. "There, that's much better. Good night!"
Pulling a dash of Floo powder from his pocket, Flitwick threw it on the fire, calling out, "Flitwick's quarters!"
He stepped in and was gone, leaving a bemused Snape.
Severus considered all he'd been told and then looked at the handsome magnum that his colleague had left behind. He smiled now at the thought that Flitwick was, indeed, his colleague, and if some of the others might not like him, at least Filius did.
This was a new feeling. Severus did not have many people he thought of as being friends; hardly any at all, truth told.
He got up and put the magnum in the small liquor cabinet that all the teachers quarters were provided with, and headed to his bedroom for a hot bath and a good night's sleep.
~(*)~
The next morning he woke feeling refreshed and content and ready to face whatever the day held. He actually nodded and smiled a little at some of the students as he passed them in the hall, noting with satisfaction how startled they seemed.
He entered the Great Hall through the staff door and made his way to the empty chair beside the Headmaster, to whom he wished a very good morning. There were very few students in the hall this early and most were sitting far from the staff table.
"Very good morning, to you, too, my boy. I must say you look quite dashing today. The beard suits you."
Severus froze, then touched his face and groaned.
He glared now over at Filius who was giggling merrily in his chair. He nearly fell off it before he could contain himself enough to speak.
"Oh, dear! Oh, my! I'm sorry; Severus, but I just couldn't help it. You looked rather morose last night when I left and well, I just wanted to cheer you up a bit."
What few of the staff were there all looked to him now and some chuckled. None of those eyes held the gleam of malice, though, and when he looked back to the now sober-looking Filius, he snorted, shook his head, and then began to laugh. He had to admit he'd been well and truly had.
"Just you wait," he managed to smirk with a gleam in his own eye at Flitwick, who waved cheerily back.
"Oh, I look forward to it!"
Severus sat down and pulled his plate toward him, already planning his revenge.
He was forking bangers on his plate when the Headmaster leaned over to him and muttered softly, "I understand Filius likes to take a constitutional by the lake on Wednesday's after tea. He has no classes then. I also understand he has rather a passion for fairies."
When Severus turned to look at Albus, the Headmaster had his head dipped down to eat his porridge, doing a rather poor job of hiding the merry twinkle in his eyes. As he turned back to his plate, filled with the unaccustomed and very comforting sensation of being accepted, Severus smiled and dug into his breakfast with gusto.
~ FIN ~
written 17 Dec 2006, posted 18 Dec 2006