Curiousity Killed the Cot
Author:


Rating: NC-17, PWP
Pairing: SS/HG
Sections: 1/1
Wordcount: 2488
Book/Spoilers: post-war
Warnings: wanking, humil, a touch of emotional h/c

Summary: Severus Snape has a problem...

A/N: This one is for my sweetie since I couldn't afford to buy her flowers or candy for Valentine's Day.


DISCLAIMER: The HP Universe is Rowlings. Some of us just play in it from time to time.



It was murder being in the Infirmary of Hogwarts. It was murder having both arms badly burned and having them covered in burn gel and swathed with bandages. As the damnable fly that had been buzzing about him for the last half hour landed on his nose again, he gave a bellow of outrage even as he shook his head fiercely.

Unfortunately, this whipped his hair into his eyes and he couldn't move it back. He lay there and sighed a long-suffering sigh.

"What is it now, Severus?"

The sight of Hermione, resident mediwitch, from behind the privacy screens around his Infirmary cot did not cheer him.

"There's a bloody fly in here. What kind of level of cleanliness do you profess to keep around here if you allow flies?"

Hermione sighed and pulling out her wand, quickly zapped the tiny intruder.

"Hagrid brought a load of Unicorn dung in. I'm afraid it probably also brought flies."

"Making more wound poultices? The dung should be fresh, not laying about."

"Believe me, I'm well aware of that, Severus. Now if you don't mind, you're keeping me from my duties."

"I'm one of your bloody duties, you know!"

"How could I ever forget?"

She sighed her own long-suffering sigh as she left him fuming and sulking.

Five years since the end of the war and the man hadn't changed at all. Voldemort's messy death, receiving a full pardon for his crimes due to extenuating circumstances and his testimony under Veritaserum before the Wizengamot, being re-instated as a professor at Hogwarts and even getting listed as Most Eligible Bachelor by Witch Weekly did not temper his customary disdain. (Hermione still had that centrefold, but that was beside the point.)

The big problem was that Severus Snape did not know how to behave like anything but a surly, snarky, edgy man who read every possible negative meaning into every situation and circumstance. Years of childhood abuse at home, at school, and then over twenty years of feigned obeisance to a vicious madman and fealty to a kind, but determined man on the far side of senility did that to a man.

She didn't know what would bring him down from general quarters, as her father, the ex-Navy man used to say.

Since taking over for the retired Poppy Pomfrey a year ago, she'd had to treat him half a dozen times for work-related injuries, usually incurred by inattentive students while his back was turned. It was worse when he injured himself during his long weekends of solitary research like the current mishap that had him plaguing her Infirmary for the last three days.

She sighed. It would take another three before the burns healed up enough to remove the bandages and he might need another two days to ensure either clothing or movement didn't damage the tender new skin growth.

"When the devil am I to be fed?!"

Hermione rolled her eyes and changed direction from the bandage cupboard she'd been organizing and headed toward the floo to contact the Kitchen Elves. She couldn't wait until the day shift was over and she could get some rest.

~(*)~

Severus Snape was in a truly foul and horrible mood.

He could not get to sleep. His arms were uncomfortable. He could not get into any position that felt tolerable to sleep. The Infirmary felt overly warm. Worst of all, he had a raging erection he could do nothing about.

"Blood Merlin's Balls!" he muttered.

Blue balls was more like, he thought to himself, feeling how tight and uncomfortable his bollocks felt. He'd been unable to wank for five days. He'd been so busy that weekend he'd been too exhausted and just dropped to sleep as soon as he got into bed, then he'd been injured on Sunday night and since then...

He glared at his trussed up arms then down at the obvious lump beneath the covers. If he didn't toss off soon, he'd explode, and damned if he knew how to go about it without assistance. He was damn sure not going to call in Granger. She'd feast on his predicament, even though the oath all mediwitches and mediwizards took included consideration of a patient's mental, physical, emotional, spiritual and sexual needs.

A simple Secus Mittere charm would usually suffice for a patient, providing them needed release if they were unable to achieve it on their own. The hell of it was the charm could not be self-cast.

Which was, Severus had to admit, a very good thing since most of the older students would lose what little ability they had to concentrate. The charm and how to cast it was closely guarded and there was a Ministry geis that did not allow anyone above the age of consent to tell anyone below the age of consent about it.

He was, he knew, being foolish. All he had to do was call her, tell her he required the secus charm and she would step out of the room, back to her office, cast it using his name and he would, in the privacy of his own bed, achieve the desperate release he needed. He could then cast a wandless scourgify and sleep. No contact, no need for embarrassment. No bloody way he was going to call her and request it. The thought, the memories made him cringe.

Snape snarled and swore and felt his erection grow even harder.

He considered his predicament. His legs were okay, and he thought he could get up without hurting his arms. Perhaps he could hump himself against the side of the bed? A good, hard orgasm, a quick and furtive wandless scourgify and he'd be clean and relaxed and ready for the arms of Morpheus.

The bed creaked and creaked as he kicked and prodded himself free of the covers he'd been tucked into. He paused to listen, but heard nothing. Unfortunately, a silencing spell required a wand, which he could not hold at the moment.

He levered himself onto his feet and stood, feeling the draft as the back of his gown flapped open. Damn and blast whoever dreamed up these stupid gowns for patients to wear!

He looked at the bed and down at his erection. The bed was too low to just push against it. Maybe if he knelt? He looked down at the polished stone and winced. Too hard on his knees by far. Perhaps if he squatted?

He was starting to feel quite ridiculous, but when the wet tip of his cock brushed the pillow as he began to bend, a low moan escaped him, and all thought of how ridiculous he was being left his brain.

~(*)~

Hermione had almost been asleep when the monitoring charm on the ward had alerted her. From her quarters two doors down, Hogwarts' resident mediwitch or mediwizard could easily monitor the patients, at least audibly, in case they called for assistance.

Snape, of course, would not do such a thing. Bellow, perhaps, she thought, but never just call and say he needed something.

First, she'd heard him cursing. She checked the time and wondered if his evening dose of pain relief potion had quit working. He'd been in a foul mood and only agreed to drink half of it. That decision might be coming back to haunt him now.

She waited, but heard nothing else and turned over and closed her eyes.

Only to open them again as she heard him muttering imprecations under his breath, followed by the sounds of squeaking springs. What was that infernal man doing?

She sighed and got up. It was terribly warm for fall. Since the cool floor felt so nice to her sweaty feet, she decided to forego her slippers.

Picking up her wand, she made her silent way down the hall to the Infirmary Ward.

~(*)~

"Oh, Merlin... Bloody hell... Oh, yes... Yes."

Snape had managed to push a pillow down to the side of the bed he was leaning against and had discovered that humping against it brought about the keenest of sensations.

"Bloody... Oh, Merlin... Oh, fuck."

He swore under his breath and humped and humped his aching erection against the pillows, struggling not to use his arms and to keep his balance. His leg muscles were twitching but he hoped to finish soon and be able to rest.

"Shit... Yes... Fuck..."

He did not hear the bedsprings now, caught up entirely in the sensation. He so badly needed to come!

"Oh, fuck... Oh, fuck!"

"What the hell is going on here?!"

Snape froze, his right hamstring cramped and his leg gave out on him, even as he began to ejaculate. This made his other leg start to shake and he fell heavily against the side of the cot... which made the entire thing fall over. To finish things, the mattress then whumped down on top of his still trembling and ejaculating figure.

~(*)~

"For heaven's sake, Severus. Why didn't you just ask me for the Secus charm? It's nothing to be embarrassed about," Hermione fussed as she gently slid a clean nightgown on his freshly scourgified and still blushing body.

He snarled, refusing to meet her eyes.

She considered his mulish expression and what had just happened and relented a bit. She gently touched the side of his face so he would look at her and repeated, "Honestly. It's nothing at all to be ashamed of. We all have needs, you know."

He glared at her through the tangled strands of his hair. She sighed and cast a detangling spell, gently fingering the now smooth strands back from his face.

"It's a simple spell. You're not the only patient who has ever needed it or ever will."

His eyes shifted and she couldn't help but see his pained expression and something else she couldn't quite identify.

"Do you have bad associations with that charm, Severus?"

He glared at her again, noted no mocking in her expression, only worry and concern and he finally sighed and nodded.

"I'm sorry. I had no idea."

"It was... bad. I had to be in the Infirmary my sixth year after Sirius bloody Black tried to turn me into a werewolf."

Hermione nodded, remembering what she thought of as the Shrieking Shack incident.

"Well, he didn't bite me, but he clawed my arms pretty badly. In getting me out, Potter took his animagus form to protect me from Lupin. Somehow, during the fight, he knocked me unconscious with his hoof."

"Oh, dear."

"Yes. I had to be kept in the Infirmary for a week, and both my hands and forearms were bandaged. I'd thrown them up to protect myself and so--"

"I understand."

"Well, I was underage. Pomfrey couldn't tell me about the secus charm... but it didn't mean she couldn't cast it."

"What?!"

Severus hung his head. "I didn't know. I was sixteen."

"I understand. You were... well, in need a lot of the time."

To her surprise his lips quirked slightly. "Yes. Constantly, it seemed. I was wondering what I was going to do about that. Then..."

"She cast the charm?"

"Yes. I figured it out later. I'd be... irritated and randy as a goat and suddenly I'd be... well... issuing onto my Infirmary gown."

"Oh, Severus," Hermione squeezed his shoulder in a comforting gesture.

"Then she'd come by and I'd be sitting there, mortified, and she'd just say 'Oh, it looks like we need freshening up then!' and scourgify me. It was humiliating."

Hermione slid her arm round his shoulders then and gently brought his head to her side.

"I'd no idea. I'm sorry to have brought up a painful memory."

"When I finally learned about the secus charm... well, I figured out what she'd done."

"Did you confront her?"

"She said," he grated out now. "That part of her oath required her to anticipate the needs of her patient and that was just one of those needs. No harm done and all that load of bollocks."

Hermione sighed and hugged him to her briefly, then let him go. She considered him and he just lay back against his pillows, sighing.

"I'll tell you what, Severus. Would it be better if I asked you and then... well... cast it here? So you're not caught unprepared."

Two spots of high colour flared on his cheeks, but he managed to shrug. "I don't know. I hadn't thought."

"Well, you're going to be here almost another week. It's bound to come up again," she said, then closed her eyes and groaned. "I'm sorry. That was a horrible, if unintentional pun."

To her surprise, he did not get angry, but suddenly the Infirmary was full of deep, rich, hearty laughter.

When he was able to bring it under control, he cleared his throat and said earnestly, "What you say makes sense. I did feel rather, well... violated before. Perhaps it would make a difference."

"Will my presence... disturb you?"

He considered this, and then gave her an appraising look.

"I rather think, my dear, that your presence would enhance, rather than detract, from the experience."

Suddenly, Hermione was deeply grateful she had remained a single mediwitch... currently, a blushing, single mediwitch. She cleared her throat.

"Well, we're both consenting adults. We know what we're doing here. It's for your overall health and state of mind and just until you're, um, healed up and um..."

"Able to take matters into my own hands?" he asked archly.

She smiled at his pun. "Well, yes."

He smiled back then and she was surprised at how young it made him seem.

She double-checked that he would be able to reach the straw for water by the bed, and then looked back to him.

"In that case... would you like some release now, Severus?"

He started at this, but his body responded for him, his cock twitching and starting to lengthen. He blushed.

"I... maybe that would be a good idea. I... it's been a few days."

"May I?" she held up her wand and waited until he swallowed and nodded.

No one else was in the Ward so she did not bother with a silencing charm. She drew her wand up high, adding a clockwise turn and then bringing it down sharply and cast the spell directly at his burgeoning crotch. "Secus Mittere!"

"Oh, fuh-fuh... oh, fuck." Severus jolted, gasped, and as his eyes rolled back, his hips thrust up a few times in a spastic sort of manoeuvre. A damp spot spread on his nightgown.

Then he lay back against his pillows, blinking and catching his breath. The charm was amazingly effective.

"Scourgify."

He winced a bit as he could feel the spell sizzle across his semen-coated skin and rapidly power away his emission, leaving him tingling, but clean.

"Good night, Severus."

He looked up in surprise as Hermione bent over and kissed his cheek.

He could hear the soft slap of her bare feet as she headed out of the Infirmary and murmured, "Good night, Hermione."

Then he closed his eyes and drifted into peaceful, dreamless sleep.

~ FINIS ~


Completed 13 February 2006.



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