TITLE: Lucius' Best Kept Secret-aka -Why You Don't Fuck With Malfoy Women
DATE: 22 July 2004
AUTHOR:
SERIES/PAIRING: HP, none, it's a ficlet
RATING: PG
Book/Spoilers: none
Summary: it's in the titleA/N: I sometimes get the best ideas doing laundry...
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DISCLAIMER: This non-profit material was produced out of love for the Harry Potter Universe and is not intended to infringe upon JK Rowling, Warner Brothers, Scholastic Books, nor any other holders of Harry Potter copyrights, in this or any other universe...
"The petition before the court is for a Change Of Name. Who brings this petition?"
"I do, your honour. Lord Chivister Torvald Felonius Malfoy."
"On whose behalf do you bring this petition?"
"My son, your Grace."
"Young Master Malfoy, do you agree to this action?"
Long platinum hair swayed as the boy nodded. "Yes, your Grace."
"Would you not prefer to wait until you are of age and can petition on your own behalf?"
"No, your Grace. I want it changed before I start school. I... I must!"
"I see. Very well. What is the name you'd prefer, young Master Malfoy?"
Torvald spoke up. "Lucius, your Grace. It's really more of an abbreviation than a change."
The Chief Magistrate frowned at the elder Malfoy. "Just Lucius Malfoy?"
At this, the boy piped up with pride, lifting his nose in a haughty manner. "I would like my name to be Lucius Magnificus Malfoy, your Grace."
"I see. And you are certain you would not prefer to wait until you are of age and can petition on your own behalf?"
"Yes, your Grace."
"Reason for the Petition?"
Torvald cleared his throat. "Well, your Grace... I'm afraid I was out of the country when my wife gave birth. I had promised to be there, you see, and she was... a bit vexed, shall we say. So she named the boy before I arrived."
"All very interesting, I'm sure, Torvald, but I must hear from the boy. Why do you want to change your given name?"
There was a silence, then a shrill boyish voice cried out, "I hate it!!!"
A spontaneous exhibition of magic made rivulets of slimy, mucous-like liquid run down the walls as the boy's sobs filled the courtroom.
The gathered panel were startled, then looked at each other and nodded sagely. The Chief Magistrate lifted his wand and spelled his name to the petition before them.
"Very well. Let it be known that Lubricious Effluvium Malfoy is henceforth to be known as Lucius Magnificus Malfoy. Next case!"
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