Much Less This
Author:
Requested by: rebeccasama
This was written for the March Snupin Fantasy Fest
Rating: NC-17
Pairing(s): Severus/Remus
Total Word Count: approximately 10,190
Warnings: post-PoA, h/c, humil, virgin Snape, cutting (not sexual), graphic gore, bottom Remus, oral, angst
story prompt: H/C and Virgin!Snape - pre HBP. Something like: DEs find out Severus is a spy & he's severely wounded/poisoned. Must rely on Remus for help through painful recovery/withdrawl. Extended comfort & NC-17 deflowering a plus. Plot flexible.
Author's notes: Not exactly a spy issue, but bad enough, so I hope that's okay. Rowling did not give Gibbon a first name nor a family, so I did.
DISCLAIMER: The HP sandbox belongs to JK Rowling. Some of us just like to play in it from time to time.
The night had been an unmitigated disaster. He had gone to the meeting in the wee hours as requested when the owl came. He thought Malfoy merely wanted to request a potion or to discuss politics with fellow Death Eaters as he so often did.
The handful of Death Eaters had been waiting at the estate, and they had swiftly bound him, searched his pockets, confiscating his wand and finding his various potions bottles. Lucius had swiftly emptied the entire bottle of Veritaserum down his throat, holding onto the other bottles with a triumphant look in his eyes.
"At last, some answers, my brothers and sisters."
"Let's not waste time with your grandstanding, Lucius. He's taken the potion. Let's interrogate the bastard."
Lucius had turned to the furious Snape and smiled. "Now, Severus. Some of us have some concerns about your level of loyalty."
He said nothing, merely watching.
"A werewolf was allowed to teach our children - unknown to us! A blood beast!"
"That was nothing to do with me. The headmaster--"
"That old fool might have hired him, but you still knew. You had to." Lucius's eyes narrowed.
"Of course!" Severus admitted, adding, "I was the one that wrote you about it!"
"Ah, but only at the end of the school year."
Snape glared at him, and then Malfoy got a sly look.
"Who made his wolfsbane, Severus?"
"I did," he whispered, unwillingly, the Veritaserum working as all his potions did, exceedingly well.
The handful of Death Eaters all uttered imprecations. Aldous Gibbon stepped up and backhanded him, hard, and a trickle of blood spurt from his cut lip.
"You blood traitor! You let that filthy beast teach our children!"
Malfoy placated Gibbon with a hand, then turned to the pale, sweating Snape.
"As I suspected. Now please do me the favour of not insulting my intelligence, Severus. You were making wolfsbane all year and you expect us to believe you did not know who it was for?"
He shook his head. "I brewed it under order of the Headmaster! He didn't tell me who it was for."
"You talk as if he's your master, but he's not. Our true master is the Dark Lord, Severus. He will return, perhaps sooner than we'd imagined. I know you've felt the signs."
Malfoy ripped Snape's sleeve off, revealing a pale, wiry arm with the merest hint of the Dark Mark. It rippled.
"All the chosen have seen the signs. The Dark Lord will be returning. We must know who remains faithful."
"I am faithful."
"Are you? Are you loyal to the Dark Lord?"
Severus nodded. "Yes."
There was an air of disappointment among them. Then MacNair stepped up and scowled at him.
"Proves nothing. Better question: are you loyal to Albus Dumbledore?"
"Yes."
"I was right! He is a traitor!"
Malfoy waved a hand. "It was a good question, but not the right question. Severus - would you kill Dumbledore if the Dark Lord asked it of you?"
"Yes."
"That is good enough for me," Lucius murmured.
Tilda Gibbon stepped up then. She eyed her husband, who nodded. "It's not for me. You give allegiance to both sides. You hold no hostages to fortune - no family, no lover... at least not that we know of. A man without family, without a partner... I don't trust you. You teach our children. Are you preying on our children?"
Snape glared at her. "No. I would never do such a thing."
Her husband narrowed his eyes and sneered. "So what do you do, Snape? You're never seen with anybody. Who do you fuck?"
The rest moved in closer in anticipation even as Snape trembled and closed his eyes, his mouth opening unbidden to answer, "I don't. I never have."
"Who'd want him?"
Laughter filled the circle at MacNair's pointed question and Snape burned with humiliation. He could only wait until it was over, until they were through with their questions and just possibly, apparate to safety.
"Gibbon, this serves nothing."
"Untrue, Malfoy. A rudderless man can be too easily led astray."
"So what do you propose, Gibbon? Are you offering yourself as a virgin sacrifice? Or perhaps, your wife?"
"You son-of-a--"
"Enough! He lies!"
Snape opened his eyes as a new voice interceded and the rest murmured uneasily. To his surprise, a familiar face made its way through and he found himself staring at a man who was supposed to be dead.
"Pettigrew..."
"I see you remember, Snivellus," the unpleasant-looking little man sneered. "You lied. You said you haven't. I know different."
Snape stared at him, wondering what the man would know even as he was coming to terms with what his presence here meant.
"I saw you. You didn't know. I watched. When I was still in school. You were always watching us. I thought you were up to no good. I thought you were waiting for opportunities to hex us. But I saw what you did. One night I followed you and learned why you followed."
Snape paled even more now, but he did his best to hide his fear.
"What are you blathering about?"
Pettigrew looked to the rest and spoke triumphantly, "He was watching Remus Lupin! He followed him. He watched him. I saw him kiss him!"
Malfoy's eyes narrowed. "The... the werewolf? You... Severus, did you kiss him?"
Snape shook with the effort to grit his teeth but it was no good. Sweat sprang from him as his lips parted and hissed out an agonized "Yes!"
"I knew it! You lied! You're a filthy lying queer!"
To Snape's chagrin, Pettigrew cast a rending charm that ripped his clothing, rent what was left of his robes. Then he hung him upside down.
Snape closed his eyes as the rags of his outfit fell to the ground and his tattered robes flapped about his face and shoulders. Laughter filled the air and he swallowed, trying to avoid the memories. The rat did not let him, speaking now in triumph to the rest.
"I remember one day we did this to him. Made him real well behaved, too, for weeks. Couldn't look anyone in the eye. Greasy bastard. I've always thought he needed to be taken down a peg or two."
"You've no imagination, you fat worthless rat," Severus choked out in rage. "You just imitate your betters. This is no more than what Potter did, and that worthless mutt of his."
"Scourgify!" Peter cried out and Snape found himself choking on soap.
"Enough, Pettigrew. You're boring me."
Tilda Gibbon stepped up now and waved the soap away with a flick of her wand, then began to kiss Snape upside down. She licked and nibbled and stroked upward to his nipples until he was breathing hard and kept doing this until he began to get an erection. The men laughed, except for Aldous who scowled.
"I thought so. He responds to my touch. He's not entirely bent. Better now?" she asked sweetly, looking up to see his cock pointing at her. "Pene-adstringere. Secus privatio!"
He felt the magical binding wrap around the base of his cock. The spell was such that the binding would not come off unless he found release by another, and not just a warm body, but someone who genuinely cared about him. It was a common spell some of the Death Eater women used when they took part in Muggle-baiting and the occasional rape. Bellatrix in particular used to find great amusement watching Muggle men begging their companions for release.
"Now we don't have to worry. He'll have to find someone or else he'll lose his manhood. Either way, our children will be safe."
The rest all laughed merrily, and Malfoy released him from the hover charm, causing him to fall hard on one side, hurting his elbow, ribs and ankle. Snape curled in on himself.
One of them hexed him, a binding hex that made him unable to defend himself from their kicks and blows. Only his hunched position kept him from further ignominy.
"No one will touch him! He'll come back manless!"
"Even odds, that's no bet."
"I bet you ten to one he'll cut it off himself!"
"He's not much to look at. Who'd want him?"
Snape quailed, hoping against hope they would not release him in this ignominious state only to follow and watch what happened. Lucius meanwhile, had gone through the items they'd confiscated from Snape's robes and examined the potions.
"It's your own fault, Severus. You should have married that girl I suggested to you when you graduated," he said blithely.
Snape scowled at him, but said nothing. The Veritaserum was still working, would keep working for a few hours, and he was too apt to say more than he wanted.
"So... you and the werewolf?"
"We never did," Snape whispered tightly.
"The kiss Wormtail purportedly saw?"
"Nothing. An experiment. We never did anything else."
"I see."
Malfoy spoke loudly now, interrupting the party atmosphere.
"My brothers and sisters! We have all seen to it that our wayward brother knows how we feel--"
"Queer!" "Traitor!" "Filthy, traitorous pouf!"
"Now, now. Whilst he may be a tad bent, he has not proven himself a traitor. More a man of atrociously bad taste."
The rest laughed and he turned then to the watchful Snape. He held up an amber bottle and watched him pale.
"Sanguis-congelo, am I correct?"
"Yes."
"MacNair."
The man stepped up and without further ado, forced Snape's head back, allowing Malfoy to pour the poison down his throat.
He'd made the slow-acting poison years ago at the Dark Lord's request. It was efficient, slowly entering the system and then thickening the blood until it no longer flowed. The only good thing about it was how slowly it entered the system. If a victim ingested it and was able to sick it all back up, they would survive. If some got ingested and they could sick up most of it and were able to get help, they could survive. Time was of the essence. The question was, were they tired enough of toying with him to let him make his escape?
"You can't serve two masters, Severus. The Dark Lord is coming. You'll have to decide." Lucius considered him, and then nodded to MacNair. "Let him go."
MacNair stepped back, but not before loosing one more kick to Snape's ribs where the binding hex still held and he could not bend to protect himself. An unwanted wail sounded from his lips and they all laughed.
"Fare well, old friend. Or don't. Either way, never put your desires above those of the Dark Lord or your brothers and sisters again."
Severus did not wait to hear this entire speech. He was already crawling toward the apparation point a few yards away, where they had first grabbed him when he appeared. It was the only place one could apparate from outside the Malfoy estate.
The lake. All he could think about was the lake.
His first two attempts to apparate were unsuccessful, but at least he did not splinch himself, merely not going anywhere. He finally clenched his hands tight, listened to the still braying laughter and shouted insults, focused his anger and pain and vanished to safety.
~(*)~
Remus waited, whining softly from time to time as he could hear the howling of his kind from within the warmth of Hagrid's hut.
The half-giant was on some mission for Dumbledore that would take all summer and the headmaster had insisted Remus hut-sit, conveniently not mentioning the fact that Lupin had no job and no means to pay for housing and that this would, in fact, give him a small stipend and a place to stay over the summer. He'd been more surprised when Severus Snape had given him Wolfsbane the afternoon of the full moon, even as he'd been considering the likelihood of his facing the Shrieking Shack once more with distaste.
Instead, he'd been able to curl up in wolf form after his painful transformation, and sleep uneasily, waking with each howl from the forest and fighting to ignore the call from others of his kind. The howls were irresistible, pulling at him, and fighting them gave him a painful erection that he would then curl up and lick. This helped him ignore them that much more, but also made him feel vaguely ashamed, although he always stopped before he came, too disgusted at the thought of bringing himself off in this form. The unthinking animal would and not care, but deep inside, Remus did not like thinking of himself as some unthinking animal. His werewolf side was something that always made him feel shame.
This full moon had been more difficult in that there seemed to be an increasing number of werewolves this summer, wandering the Forbidden Forest. He wondered if they knew Hagrid was gone. The presence of the half-giant helped keep many inimical creatures at bay.
A strange sound made him lift his head, perking his ears. It had sounded like a faint popping sound from a distance, perhaps someone apparating. It was followed by the sound of... desperate gasping whines. Someone might be injured.
He got up on all fours and trotted to the door, nosing it open. The wolf with human mind knew he had nothing to fear in this forest. Others feared him right now and with good reason. They had no way of knowing he was currently a tame werewolf.
He trotted to the sounds, which sounded to be near the lakeshore, close to Hagrid's hut. Soon, he could smell blood, traces of vomit and the tang of something, someone very familiar. He hurried and broke into the clearing to find himself facing Severus Snape, barely clad in torn robes, a thin trail of blood dripping from one corner of his mouth, on hands and knees and still heaving before a small puddle of vomit.
To his surprise, the man lifted a trembling hand and forced it down his throat. He sicked up again and Remus moved in closer, an inquisitive whine sounding from his throat.
This made Snape look up, then grow pale and Remus could smell his fear, his anxiety, even as that trembling hand reached for his wand and then seemed to remember he did not have it. Instead he looked to the lake, a few steps away and back at Remus. His intention was obvious. He knew his one chance at survival from a werewolf without a weapon was the lake. He could dive in there and swim to a safe distance. Werewolves drank water, but did not like to get into it.
Remus shook his head and Snape frowned, edging back a little. Remus sighed and sat down, hoping this would put Snape at ease. Instead, the shaking man moved back toward the lake even faster.
Before he reached the water, the brush by the clearing rustled and two werewolves slunk out, both red-eyed, feral. They sniffed at the two and then focused on Snape, who tried to move faster.
One began to lope toward the sick man and Remus leapt into action, a snarl erupting from his mouth. His powerful jaws locked on the other werewolf's throat and he bit and tore and bit again, some part of him relishing the sounds of dismayed betrayal and the agonized cry of a grievously wounded wolf.
They landed hard on the rocky ground and Remus let the dying wolf go, ignoring his death rattle to face down the other startled were and issue a warning growl.
The other's ears flattened slightly and Remus kicked gravel back over the now-dead wolf with contempt. Without hesitation, he lifted his leg and pissed on the dead were, still glaring at his uncertain comrade, his low growl and the hot acrid scent of his urine filling the air of the clearing.
The contemptuous act seemed to galvanize the other werewolf, who tucked his tail and fled through the brush. There were other things in the forest he could sample; he could leave the scrawny-looking human thing to the mean were who'd killed his packmate.
Remus put his leg down and nearly sighed with relief. As a wolf, this came out as a slight whine and the relaxing of his hackles. He looked to Severus who merely waited now. Then he padded over and, turning his back on Snape, sat on his haunches like a dog guarding its master.
The lake was immediately behind Snape, the forest ahead and it was less than an hour to sunrise. They could wait. The dead wolf would inhibit other creatures from approaching; the scent of a surprised predator's death was a better warning than anything else to creatures of the dark.
Behind him, he heard more retching, but did not turn. He could smell it, smell the poison, the sickness. He could smell Snape's fear and shame and strangely, his fierce arousal. He did not turn, though.
He could find out what had happened, what was wrong with Snape, later. Besides, the kill, coupled with the scent of arousal had him extremely engorged. Wolf though he might be at the moment, there was enough man in him to want to keep that information private.
~(*)~
Severus was concerned about the quiescent, watchful werewolf, but for now the potion that had been forced down his throat took precedence. He'd managed to sick up most of it, enough so the effects would be muted, although he could still feel his throbbing erection as well as the enchanted binding Gibbon's wife had laughingly spelled onto him.
He was fairly certain he'd purged most if not all of the poison. He'd find out in time and he could deal with the effects then. The only other thing he could do, he now did, which was drink as much water as possible. It would help thin any remaining poison and help keep the effects minimal if they came.
His other injuries needed dealing with, also. His rib cage was bruised from his retching through the still active torso-binding hex and was sheer agony. His jaw felt tight and swollen and some of his teeth were loose. His stomach felt raw and ached. He had a sprained or possibly broken ankle and elbow from when they'd dropped him back to the stony ground.
Despite all this pain, all his fears and the threat of death, his damnable, binding-enhanced erection craved his attention most of all. He did not know what he would do. He had no lover, quailed at the thought of Poppy Pomfrey 'assisting' him with this problem, and it would not go away by his own hand.
Gibbon could not have picked a more humiliating spell to use on him. The fact was, if he survived, they would all know he had either been forced to seek assistance or else no longer had his genitals.
It was a slower and more ignominious fate, but an enhanced erection that was not allowed to relax within a few hours would eventually turn gangrenous and need to be removed. Magic was wonderful, but could not grow back such a delicate organ. Snape was not a vain man, but still, the thought of losing his cock was almost enough to make him wish the poison finished him after all.
~(*)~
Dawn came and with it the sight of a writhing werewolf, bone ends crunching, joints stretching and popping, tendons snapping and reforming, even as the bones reshaped themselves into human shapes. Through it all, Remus growled and whined, especially as his jaw unhinged, hung loose and began to recede, bone reforming into its customary shape and left him crying out, sobbing with pain as the change finally ended and he lay naked by the lakeshore.
A rough voice murmured, "I thought so."
Remus turned toward Severus who watched him, less wary now that the sun was up and the werewolf was gone.
A touch of his customary quirky humour was in his tone. "What gave me away? The fact I protected you or the fact I didn't eat you?"
"The Wolfsbane. I can smell it on your breath," Snape wheezed.
"Ah." Lupin's slight smile faded, but he turned his attention to the way Snape held himself. "Maybe we should get you back to the hut. We're no longer in danger from werewolves, but there are other things out here."
Snape hesitated, and then finally nodded. He began to stand, but winced, his swollen ankle too difficult to stand on without support. Lupin took longer to get up, his bones creaking with the effort, but once he stood, he appeared in far better shape than Snape.
He moved closer, ignoring his nudity to take Snape's arm and heft him with it around his shoulders for support. Snape cried out, but otherwise said nothing. He kept slightly hunched over, a pained expression on his face.
They slowly made their way to Hagrid's hut where Remus leaned him against the side of the hut while he hurried inside, and then came back out still nude, but with his wand in hand.
Then he led him, not to the door, but to the side where Hagrid's outhouse entry was. Snape frowned at him and Lupin smiled.
"We both reek. I thought a bath was in order. Then I can see to your injuries."
Snape recoiled. The thought of a bath in a barrel of cold water was not pleasant. Lupin smiled more, irritating him.
"It's not what you think," was all he said, though, as he pulled the door open and led Snape in.
To Severus's shock, the door led not into a primitive privy, but to a large and comfortable wooden spa-like room, large enough for a man Hagrid's size, with an enormous tub and shower space, and a wardrobe full of fluffy towels. He frowned, then looked to Lupin whose smile grew.
"Dumbledore privately awarded this hidden bath to Hagrid for his 30th year of service gift. He wanted it to be a surprise so he didn't tell the staff, but he told me when he asked me to hut-sit for Hagrid. Before that, the poor man used an old barrel and collected rain water."
Snape finally just nodded, uncomfortable and hoping Lupin would leave him to wash in private, but it seemed as if his hopes were to be dashed. The man let him go and began to fill the tub with hot water, then went to fetch two flannels and two towels that he laid on the rim of the bath.
"Come on then, I'm already naked, there's no need to be shy," he encouraged.
A shudder ran through him, but he finally just muttered, "That remains to be seen."
He shrugged out of the tattered remains of his robe and would not look at Lupin, his shame now revealed.
"Ruddy h... You should have said something! How long has that binding been in place?" Lupin stepped closer.
Snape's voice was low. "A little over an hour."
"Should I take you to Popp--"
"No!" He finally looked up to Lupin. "I... please... no."
Remus looked troubled. He finally nodded. To Snape's astonishment, he drew closer, wand in hand and assessed him more carefully. Warm fingers gently touched his ribs and he winced.
"Here. Sit," he urged, settling Snape on the large, comfortable bath bench. "Torso-binding hex?"
"Yes," Snape nodded and Lupin cast the counter curse, releasing his torso from the painful, magically enhanced binding. He bit back a cry of pain, and then nodded his thanks.
"I... I think a cracked a rib earlier, retching with that blasted hex in place."
"Not surprising. Who did this?"
"Death Eaters."
"Bloody-- why did you go if they treat you like this?"
"I had no choice. I didn't know I was going to be the night's entertainment."
"What made them do this?"
Snape sneered now; glad to vent some of his outrage, even though he knew it was mostly the Veritaserum that had him talking at all. "You! They wanted to know why I didn't inform them you were a werewolf."
"But you did inform them."
"At the end of the year. They're not fools, Lupin. They know I must have made the Wolfsbane for you during the school year. They wanted to know why I never said anything until the end of the year."
Lupin's eyes narrowed. "Your eyes are slightly dilated. Were you given Veritaserum?"
Snape flushed. "Yes."
"How much?"
"An entire bottle."
"Just to question you about me?"
"No."
"What else did they want to know?"
"If I was queer."
Lupin frowned. "Why would that matter?"
Snape looked pained. "It doesn't so long as we bear children for the cause."
"I see. So since you never married, they were beginning to wonder."
"Yes."
"What did you tell them about me?"
Snape's cheek twitched. "That I made you Wolfsbane. That I kissed you."
"Ah." Lupin considered this. "That was a long time ago. Do they think you still have feelings for me?"
Snape glared, but muttered, "Yes."
Remus finally sighed as he cast a healing spell on the bruised side of Severus's otherwise pale chest. "Is there anything else I should know about?"
"Malfoy fed me Sanguis-congelo... it's a poison."
Lupin's expression sharpened. "I heard you sicking up. Is it all out of your system?"
"I think so. Mostly anyway. We'll know if it's not by this afternoon. There's nothing to be done until then that I haven't already done."
"Then... let's deal with your other injuries."
He cast a healing charm on Snape's swollen ankle and elbow, looked at his teeth, casting a reattachment spell and then an icing spell on his jaw to help the pain and swelling go down. Snape sighed with relief; it was costly and painstaking to grow back teeth.
Then he tensed as Remus gently pushed him onto his back on the bench, still assessing him carefully. Without preamble, Lupin placed a warm hand flat on Snape's chest and gently caressed it.
Severus trembled, suspecting what Remus intended. He was grateful, but he was also ashamed for wanting, for hoping.
"Forgive me for asking this when you can't dissemble, but... do you want my help with the binding spell?"
"Yes," he grated out, closing his eyes in shame.
That hand stroked his skin, then slipped lower, caressing his belly, the trail of hair that led to his genitals and Snape gasped, bit his lip, fought to keep from moaning. Remus had not even touched his cock yet and he felt about to burst.
"It's all right. Don't fight your response. It's better to give in."
This quiet murmur made him attempt a glare, but then Lupin's fingers reached his cock and his body disobeyed him. His head flung back, his eyes rolled up and closed, and all he managed was arching his back and flinging a hand out to grasp at Lupin's other arm. He was so close.
"Easy..."
Severus cried out as Remus finally fisted his cock and without preamble, he thrust his hips rapidly a few times and warm pearly strands began to issue forth. The magical bindings disappeared immediately and still more semen burst forth. The aftershocks continued for a long time, during which his hips and back continued to jerk spasmodically. Lupin stroked him gently through to spasms' end.
When he caught his breath, Remus looked at him and smiled, but not in triumph or any other malicious fashion.
"It's been a long time, has it?" he asked kindly.
To his surprise, Snape bit back a sob and closed his eyes, mortified. Warm, but work-roughened fingers touched his face and he waited, trembling, fighting to keep from answering.
"Severus?"
Snape drew in a breath and reluctantly opened his eyes. Warm brown ones assessed him.
"I... I've never," he finally admitted, sighing with relief as the compulsion to answer faded.
The expression in those eyes grew remorseful.
"You should have said. I... I'm so sorry, Severus."
"Nothing to be done."
"Well... I should have been less hasty, given you more time. I would have--"
"It was fine, Lupin." He strove to sound dismissive. More than some would say I deserve.
"We all deserve a good first time, Severus."
He looked to those brown eyes and shrugged. "It wasn't really. I mean, we didn't actually--"
"You think a hand job isn't sex? If so, why do whores expect money in exchange for them?" Remus insisted, adding quietly. "Sex is not all about penetration. Sometimes it's just doing something nice, something kind for the person you're with."
Snape stared at him, and then looked away, saying nothing.
"Well, at any rate, let's get cleaned up. There's a lovely tub over here filled with hot water. Then we'll eat and go from there."
~(*)~
Severus wasn't sure if he was disappointed or relieved when Remus made no sexual advances once he helped him into the tub, merely handing him a flannel and the cake of hard soap after he'd soaped up his own. They set to the serious business of washing off the forest grime and blood, both wincing as tender spots were scrubbed.
Lupin also questioned him thoroughly, wanting to know everything, every detail of what had happened. Having nothing further to hide, Severus told him. Remus became furious when he heard about Pettigrew, saying Severus should have informed the Death Eaters that Peter knew about his lycanthropy, but had said nothing either. Snape merely pointed out it would have confirmed he'd known about it since their school days which would have made matters worse, and he had to concede the point. He wasn't certain he would have been so quick-thinking under Veritaserum and his admiration for Snape rose.
They finished bathing, and soon, clad in towels, they were heading into the hut through the hidden doorway by the wardrobe, glad to be clean and warm and inside.
Lupin rapidly used the floo to request breakfast of the castle elves. In summer, with little to do, they were delighted to find humans to assist, so soon they had a table full of eggs, bangers, tomatoes, toast, porridge, pumpkin juice and tea.
Snape felt silly sitting to eat with nothing but a towel around his waist, but he set to, knowing he needed to recover as much strength as he could, especially if the Sanguis-congelo was still in his system. Neither said anything as they ate, both being ravenous.
When he was nearly done eating, Severus cleared his throat.
"What do you know of the Sanguis-congelo?"
Remus considered this. "I know there's no real cure. You either regurgitate it or bleed it out. I also know vampires and werewolves are immune."
"The symptoms are cramping, pain, muscle spasms, blind spots, difficulty speaking and respiratory collapse. The only way to survive if it remains in the system is to bleed it out as quickly as possible. The trick is to not bleed to death."
"Do you feel anything?"
"It's too early to tell."
"If you are... what do I do?"
"You know the basic charm to stop blood-loss?"
"Yes."
"That is all you need to know. If I'm infected, I'll slowly open my veins. We will know if I'm successful if the symptoms abate. The last are always the muscle spasms, as the inert blood remains in the limbs longer than the torso. If those end and I can move my extremities without difficulty, the poison was eradicated."
"You can't see it in the blood?"
"Yes, but it becomes difficult to spot as it's only a shade darker than normal and becomes closer to normal blood as the bleeding progresses."
"You'll tell me when to stop the blood loss?"
Snape shook his head. "I likely won't be able to. As the blood loss progresses, it will become difficult for me to remain conscious. You will have to... guess."
Remus paled. "I'd like to contact Poppy."
"She is not a member of the Order. She will ask too many questions."
"How much blood can you lose and still survive?"
"Less than I care to think about at the moment. I have blood-replenishing potion in my laboratory, but it's not fast acting. It takes time for healthy blood cells to propagate and the poison will weaken the organs it affects. In the interim..."
"You'll be helpless," Remus finished. "If you tell me where that potion is, I'll fetch it."
"The cupboard closest to the cauldron cabinet. It's a dark blue bottle."
"I'll be back."
When Remus returned, he found Severus studying two battered basins. A sharp knife lay on the table, along with a small towel and strip of leather.
"I've got the potion."
"Put it with the other items."
"What are you going to do with the basins?"
"They'll hold my blood. They'll need to be destroyed. I don't think Hagrid will mind as long as they're replaced."
"Severus."
He looked up at this to find Remus looking at him worriedly. He tried to ignore this, tried to ignore the feeling of gratefulness in having someone that not only would help, but also actively wanted to help. It was not a feeling Severus was terribly familiar with.
"Ideally I should sit and allow gravity to assist with the bleeding process."
"Severus--"
"Damn it, just listen!" He drew in a sharp breath and let it out slowly. "Don't worry. I won't hold you responsible if something goes wrong. I'll be happy to leave a statement to that effect."
"Maybe we should talk abou--"
"Not now. We'll talk later. After."
Remus looked troubled, but he nodded. "All right. So you want to sit for this?"
Now Severus looked troubled. "Ideally, I should. However, I might grow weak from blood loss and could fall."
"We'll do it on the bed then. You can hang your arm over the side."
He considered this and finally nodded. "Very well."
Remus picked up the towel and knife and headed for the large bed, putting the items by the table.
"This may become messy."
"I can scourgify whatever needs it."
"Lupin... there is something else."
"Worse than this? I'm not sure I'll appreciate hearing it."
"You may need to... help me... bleed myself."
He frowned. "What do you mean?"
"I will start the process, but if it needs to be done faster or more, other blood vessels will need to be... opened. I may become too weak to open them."
"I'll have to cut you, you mean."
"Possibly."
He paled, but nodded. "All right. But you'll have to tell me."
"I should still be able to talk, so yes."
"Let's just hope all this preparation is not necessary," Remus opined. "For now, why don't you sleep? You must be exhausted."
Snape considered the time and finally nodded.
"Wake me at noon. That should give me sufficient time... in case."
Lupin said nothing, merely nodded.
~(*)~
The sun was high overhead when Remus roused Severus.
"Is it noon?" he asked in a raspy voice.
"Yes."
"Give me the knife."
Lupin did, asking, "Symptoms?"
"I can't see very well. It's not dim in here, is it?"
"No."
"Then it's started."
Without further words, Snape took the knife and felt along his left arm, finally steeling himself and slicing along his inner elbow. Lupin hurriedly moved the basin over and slowly, too slowly it seemed to him, dark red blood flowed in.
"Can you see it?"
"It's dark. If I didn't know, though, I'd just think that was normal."
"Yes. Here," Snape handed him the knife and held out his other arm. "You'll have to do it. I can't see well enough."
Remus winced, but took the knife and looked at the strong, corded muscle of that arm. It was ropy with veins and finally he just did what Severus had done with his left, positioning his arm above the basin and watching the dark red blood slowly drip. He shook his head.
"Is it supposed to move so slowly?"
"The blood seems thick?"
"Yes."
"Damn. Push along my arms as if you are forcing more out."
Lupin did so, but the blood continued to flow sluggishly. "It doesn't seem to be working."
"You'll have to cut more."
"Where?"
Snape was about to answer when a powerful cramp struck him and he writhed, fighting the urge to curl up and smearing blood everywhere.
"Severus!"
He gasped with pain, and his right arm spasmed.
"B-b-bleed me! Quickly!"
Remus took the knife and considered. He knew only of the great veins and while those would ensure Snape would bleed quickly, they also might ensure his untimely death if he bled too fast. Seeing Snape cry out and try to curl up, he made his decision.
Removing the towel, he gently spread Snape's legs and felt along his groin for the femoral artery. Without hesitation or concern about where the blood would go, he slashed. To his chagrin, the blood did not gush as he'd expected, but flowed out sluggishly.
Severus cried out again and Remus set the knife aside, making a decision. The poison did not affect werewolves and Severus needed bleeding, fast.
He lay between Snape's legs and pressed his mouth to the huge gash he'd just opened, and then began to suck hard.
Instead of the salt and copper taste of blood he was used to, a bitter, decaying vegetable-like taste filled his mouth, but he ignored it and spat it out, then latched back onto the wound, sucking more. Again, the bitter nasty sludge-like substance filled his mouth and he spat, gagging. Over and over he did this, listening from time to time to Snape's cries and feeling the tremors that moved him.
His mouth tasted awful. He felt like he had blood and foulness caking his moustache and his jaw was starting to ache as he sucked when he was abruptly rewarded with a ready spurt of warm, rich, salty blood with only a hint of that foul bitterness.
Remus swallowed and drank more and yet again, exulting in the ease of the blood flow, the normal quality of it. He pulled back and looked at Snape, then frowned.
Severus lay back, trembling slightly, no longer crying out, but now he looked ashen, a figure in alabaster.
"Severus?"
His voice was a faded wisp of sound. "My vision is clearing."
"Should I--?"
"Keep doing that."
Disturbed, Remus bent back to his task and did as he was bid. More rich red blood flowed and he swallowed, suddenly overcome with the intimacy of what he was doing.
His cheek was pillowed against Snape's bollocks, his nose was full of his private scent, and yet this was the about the least sexy of things he could have imagined doing. But it was the most important of all -- he was keeping Snape alive.
"Again." This request sounded feeble, but Remus nodded and did it and saw the skin around the hip he could see grow paler still. He pulled back, disturbed.
He looked up to Snape, but his head lolled on the pillow and he was barely breathing.
"Severus!"
The man did not move. He no longer trembled. The poison was clearly gone, but was Snape?
Lupin hurried to fetch the blood-replenishing potion and levered Snape's mouth open, pouring it in. The man nearly choked, but he kept doing it until Snape swallowed on his own.
He didn't stop until half the bottle was gone, then he assessed Snape. Those black eyes were disturbingly glassy. His voice was a mere wisp of sound.
"Good... sleep."
Without further ado, Severus slipped into sleep. Lupin watched, waiting, wondering what, if anything would show him Snape would survive.
The bed was a scene of unspeakable gore and he made a face. Using his wand, he scourgified what he could, including Snape, then he took the useless basins and evanesco'd their contents, doing as Snape had instructed and putting them in the rubbish bin for disposal.
When he returned to the bedside, he suddenly noted the opened wounds were now bleeding, slightly at first, then more copiously. He hurriedly used the charm to stop blood-loss, sealing his wounds and sighing with relief. The bleeding meant the potion was working. He could stop worrying about Severus for a while.
He finished cleaning up the bed and took all the soiled items to wash them. Then, with one last look to the pale, sleeping form, he went into the bathroom and scrubbed the gore from his body.
~(*)~
Snape woke to warmth. He felt weak and slightly disoriented, but could tell the dimness was from dusk, not damage to his eyes.
He was still naked, covered in a blanket and could smell something wonderful. When he tried to lift the blanket and get up, though, his body's movements were feeble and a wave of fatigue pulled his head back to the bed where he closed his eyes, fighting the spinning sensation.
"How do you feel?"
He opened his eyes to focus on the concerned Remus and blinked tiredly, fighting a yawn to answer.
"Drained."
"I'm not surprised. You're still far too pale. Do you need more blood replenishing potion?"
"How much did I have?"
"Half the bottle."
"Give me the rest."
Lupin did, helping him drink it. Even that slight effort tired Snape, he noted worriedly.
"It's working. It'll take a day or two to replace what I lost."
"You nearly died, Severus."
He looked at Lupin who merely looked extremely concerned. Then he nodded slightly.
"Some don't survive the cure."
To his surprise, Lupin sat by him and took his hand.
"I was... petrified. I thought ... I thought you might die and that I'd be blamed."
Snape shook his head, eyelids fluttering as he fought to stay awake.
"No. Lupin."
"Yes, Severus?"
"Before sleep...need... fluids."
"Of course, let me get you some broth!" He hurried off and soon came back with a cup and a glass of pumpkin juice.
With great care, Lupin helped Snape drink most of the broth and a sip or two of pumpkin juice, although he could tell the man despised the taste.
"I'm sorry," he said, stroking the hair back from Snape's pale face. "I know tea and cider are drying. I want you to recover, not have a setback."
Snape nodded and immediately fell asleep.
~(*)~
He woke during the night, very thirsty and needing to urinate, but he still could not get up.
Lupin merely got an empty jar and held his penis to the opening, helping him empty his bladder. Then he held a mug of water to his lips and helped him drink. Snape was asleep almost as soon as he was done and Lupin covered him again with the blanket. Then he emptied and washed the jar and came back to lie down beside him.
~(*)~
The next morning, Snape was slightly woozy when he sat, but he was able to sit and Lupin again helped him urinate. Then he brought him breakfast, helping him eat when he grew too tired.
He lay back again, but he was not so tired as to sleep, so they talked instead. To both their surprise, they found in each other a pleasant, undemanding conversationalist.
"You said you told them about our kiss."
Snape nodded.
"What... how did you explain it?"
Snape smiled. "I told the truth. I told Malfoy it was an experiment; that we never did anything else."
Lupin grinned. "Not from lack of desire, I assure you."
Snape eyed him, and then a shy smile touched the corners of his lips. "One could say the same."
Remus, sitting by the bed, now got up and sat on the bed. He took one of Severus's hands.
"One could still say the same," he said quietly.
Severus looked up at him, then closed his eyes and sighed. When he opened his eyes, he smiled.
"I guess there is no damage from the poison."
Lupin's brow creased. "What makes you say that?"
Snape did not answer, merely placing Lupin's hand on the warm lump of his erection.
"Oh." Lupin considered this, and then smiled. "I take it that's good."
"Very. An erection is a very good indication there was no damage to the smaller circulatory vessels."
"Well, then..."
Remus leaned over and gently kissed Severus, who did not protest. His hand continued gently cupping and rubbing his blanket-covered erection. Soon Severus was thrusting his hips.
"Lupin..." he pulled back from the intoxicating kiss.
"I think you should call me Remus."
Severus sighed. "Remus. I... appreciate what you've done, what... what you had to do for me, but I don't think it's wise to... continue this."
Lupin frowned. "Why ever not? We're grown men. I don't care what the Death Eaters think of me. Or... is it that you care what they think of you?"
"It's not that. Well, partly. Lupin, I cannot afford to go to meetings, to face the Dark Lord if he returns, having a partner such as you."
"Such as me."
"I don't care that you are a werewolf, Lupin, but they will. They could do worse than they did to me this last meeting."
"They could kill you."
"Possibly, but more likely they would... torture me and leave me as an example to the rest. It will be bad enough keeping from answering their questions when I return. They will be burning with curiousity as to who helped me or whether I still retain my manhood."
Lupin smiled slightly. "I'm so pleased I was able to help you. It would be a pity to lose something so impressive."
Snape snorted. "Honestly, Remus."
Remus's expression grew wicked. "Honestly, Severus."
Snape finally nodded. "Even so. What would be worse of all of this folly is that it could jeopardize my position in the circle. I must not do that. I need to be able to keep providing information to the Order. Should the Dark Lord return... and there are indications that he might..."
"I'd noticed your mark was darker," Lupin said quietly.
"I must not jeopardize my position. It could jeopardize everything."
To his surprise, Lupin suddenly stroked his face, then leaned in and began to kiss him. All he said, though, when he pulled back, was, "I'm glad you're on our side."
Then he kissed him again.
Severus fought the feelings sweeping through him. He badly wanted to give in, to let their feelings take over, but he did not dare. He finally pulled back with an agonized sound.
"Remus..."
Lupin closed his eyes, swallowed, and then sighed.
"I'll go wash up the breakfast dishes."
~(*)~
There was no conversation the rest of the morning. Lupin served sandwiches for lunch and Snape felt well enough to stand, then to make his own way to the privy. He was still a bit tired, but he could tell he'd be back to normal by the next day and both were grateful.
When he came back to the room, Lupin surprised him with a change of clothing.
"I asked the elves to fetch you some pants, your trousers, a shirt and some shoes. I figured you'd prefer to be dressed now."
"Thank you."
He dressed, definitely feeling more himself as he buttoned up the shirt to mid-chest. He did not have robes, but it was warm and the slacks and shirt made him feel much better.
He was still a bit tired, though, so he picked up the Daily Prophet off the table and settled in a chair to read. Lupin watched him for a moment, and then stepped outside.
He leaned against the door and sighed, feeling his erection throbbing painfully, trapped in his trousers.
He couldn't help it. Snape was beautifully masculine, so wiry, long legged and his torso bore the scars of his past. His arms and groin now held the newer, tender scars of his recent ordeal, although they'd likely fade. He remembered now how Snape smelled, the wonderful musk that surrounded his bollocks, the crisp sensation of his pubic hair against his temple.
"Blast!"
He yanked open his trousers, freeing his aching prick, and fisted himself hard. With his other hand he reached around and pushed two fingers inside, the sensation making his head swim as he moved them, pushing hard until he prodded his prostate. It took but a few firm strokes to propel his seed all over the ground and he shuddered in the aftermath of his powerful orgasm, feeling his fingers sliding in and out with his dying thrusts. Then he pulled them out and caught his breath before heading toward the privy to wash up.
He wanted the man, but he would not breach Snape's reserve. Snape was still mostly untouched. He'd kept himself that way, unwilling to have anyone that could be used against him by his Death Eater compatriots.
This saddened Lupin. What an empty, lonely life the boy he'd once found so mysterious and fascinating and darkly attractive, had endured.
~(*)~
Snape did not return to the castle or his quarters at dusk.
It remained an unspoken thing between them that he would again sleep on the bed with Lupin. Remus did not make assumptions, however. It was possible Snape was still too tired to traverse to the castle. (Although he could have used the floo to go, his traitorous mind reminded him.) It was possible Snape felt the need for company in case he needed anything. (Although he was almost fully recovered now from the poison.) It was possible there was something more arousing than watching Snape unbutton his shirt and lightly step from his trousers, but Remus doubted it. He cursed his returning erection and slid quickly into bed, nude, and turned on his side away from Snape.
"Good night, Severus."
"Good night."
A soft "Nox" sounded and the cabin was full of moonlit shadows and the sounds of soft breathing.
Both men lay awake for a long time, ignoring their swollen cocks, cursing themselves silently for their weakness.
~(*)~
Remus woke to the sound of whimpering. He woke instantly and turned to find Severus thrashing slightly, a moan rising from him.
"Easy," Remus soothed him, putting his arm around the troubled man and putting his head on his chest. "It's just a dream."
Soon Snape settled and began to breathe deeply and Remus relaxed.
He'd almost drifted off to sleep again himself when he realized that Snape's hips were slowly moving, then relaxing. He lifted his head and noted the rising lump beneath the blanket that signaled the sleeping man's erection.
Suddenly goosebumps covered him, followed by a warm tingle that relaxed them all at once. Lupin had a startlingly wicked revelation and the gleam in his eye might have given other men pause as he slowly pulled the blankets down to reveal Snape's engorged penis.
It was half-hard, the tender glans just peeking from the wrinkled foreskin. Remus gently cupped it, feeling it growing beneath his hand as his head dipped lower. He could smell Snape's arousal as he neared and soon he had the head of the wonderful cock in his mouth, tonguing the edge of that stretchy foreskin.
A low moan made him pause. It was followed by a sleepy questioning sound. Lupin smiled as he gently released Snape's cock and kissed the tip.
"Just sleep, Severus. It's just a dream."
Then without further words, he took that lovely cock back in his mouth and began to lick and gently suckle.
A louder groan sounded and he ignored the hands that touched him, tried to pull him back.
"Remus..."
"Shh," he said around Snape's erection, slipping his hand around those weighty bollocks and hefting them, rubbing them.
"Oh, gods..."
Lupin pulled back. "It's just a dream. Remember that. Just a dream."
He returned to his task and kept licking and sucking and stroking until Snape cried out and ejaculated, thick bitter salt filling his mouth, and Lupin shuddered as his own cock erupted, spreading warm, slippery seed all over Snape's lower leg.
Snape lay there, breathing heavily as Lupin sat up and found his wand. A swift wave of it left them dry and clean and he set it back down and slipped beneath the covers again, curling up next to Severus. He slipped his arm around Snape, near the bulk of his now quiescent cock.
He closed his eyes and smiled. "What a nice dream."
"Mm." Snape sounded half-asleep.
"Maybe you'll have another one in the morning."
Lupin grinned as both their cocks twitched at this, and fell asleep.
~(*)~
The next morning Remus awoke to skilled fingers stroking his achingly hard prick. He'd barely woken fully when he felt himself coming, spurting hard all over those warm fingers and his own belly.
"Gah."
"Good morning."
Lupin nodded, still blinking in astonishment.
"I slept well. And you?"
He turned to find Snape eyeing him with a truly wicked expression and he smiled. "Oh, absolutely. Wonderfully sexy dreams I had."
"Indeed. Must be the bed."
"Must be."
Then they were kissing, Snape's movements almost frantic and Lupin realized the man was hard as a stone. He pulled back.
"Severus... would you like to..."
"Yes, anything. Everything."
"Good. I won't be ready for awhile, would you care to... mount me?"
Snape drew in a sharp breath, and then a slight frown creased his forehead. "I... I don't..."
"It's better if we prepare by hand and I'll show you later, but for right now," he lifted his wand and muttered a lubrication charm. He could feel his entry suddenly oozing and turned onto his belly, kneeling up and keeping his head down. "All right. I'm ready."
"Oh, Remus."
"Just... please Severus. Please fill me."
"Oh, gods..."
Remus looked over to find Snape trembling, obviously highly aroused. He reached a hand over awkwardly and squeezed one of Snape's hands.
"It's all right, Severus. I want you to."
Snape nodded rather mechanically, then let his hand go and considered his position. Soon Remus could feel him lining himself up behind him. Nervous hands gently touched his hips and he deliberately relaxed.
"You won't hurt me. I... Let's just say I'll be ready."
There was a soft, wet nudge near the base of his bollocks, and then he felt one hand on his buttocks, the other gently guiding that long, hard prick to his opening. He couldn't help it; he pushed back and felt the head of that prick slide inside.
"Oh, gods!"
"Yes, Severus. Fuck me."
Gasps sounded from behind him and then an awkward thrust had him reeling as the rim of Snape's cock head pushed against his prostate.
"Yes, Severus! Fuck me! Fuck me!"
The awkward thrusts evened out to a smooth, silken rhythm and soon he could hear the soft gasps and bitten back moans Snape made, even as he gasped and moaned and pushed his hips back to get Snape's full measure.
"Oh, Severus... touch me," he pleaded.
"Huh? Oh..."
Then a hand was carefully encircling his hard prick and Lupin thrust into it and the hand tightened and he was coming, coming hard, seeing brilliant sparkles of light as his cock convulsed and spurt his seed all over the bed covers.
He could feel Snape's sudden, short, jabbing thrusts, hear his low growling sound and suddenly felt himself held tightly, so tightly as Severus lost himself to his climax, his first climax inside another.
Lupin fought to catch his breath and also to get them both lying on their sides, managing with some success, although the feeling of Snape's half-hard cock sliding back out of him made his head reel again.
"Whoo."
"Are you... did I hurt you?"
Lupin shook his head. "No, Severus. You didn't hurt me."
"Good."
Remus smiled and turned to insinuate himself into Snape's arms and he murmured. "It was better than good. It was your first. How was it?"
Severus smiled shyly, delighting Remus, and he nodded. "It was... incredible."
"Good."
~(*)~
They skipped breakfast to explore each other, finally leaving the bed only to replace the sheets and bathe.
In the large, sumptuous bathtub, Remus gently prepared Severus, telling him everything he was doing as he did, and then introduced him to the very positive joys of anal penetration.
Severus was wrung out afterward, deeply fatigued, and Lupin had just enough energy to call the house elves and ask for dinner. They caught their breath as they ate and soon were lounging together on the bed, spooning, not really dozing, but drifting on the pleasant sensation of the satiation of their desires.
"Severus?"
"Hm?"
"I may regret asking, but... what changed your mind?"
Snape stilled behind him and Remus turned to look at him.
"What is it?"
"I... I have something to ask of you."
"If I can."
"I... I will want you to obliviate me. Before I go back to the castle."
Lupin frowned. "What?"
"I need you to obliviate me. I... I was weak. I couldn't deny myself this... and I'm truly sorry if this hurts you, but... too much rides on my being able to give the right answers when I'm called. Right now... I could put us both in danger."
"Severus..."
"Remus, please. When the Dark Lord returns... none of us is safe. Even our minds are subject to his perusal. He will not be pleased to learn I am not married, much less this. This... proclivity... is tantamount to treason, in his eyes."
"So that's why you've never even experimented."
"Just that one kiss," Snape admitted, smiling slightly as he remembered.
"I won't make you forget that."
"I wouldn't want you to."
"I'm still... I still don't like it."
"Remus," Severus drew closer, looking at him intently. "You must. For both of us. I don't want you in danger. I don't want them to know. I will never be a true Death Eater, but I can't leave their ranks, not while there is a chance the Dark Lord exists, not while he lives and terror is let loose in the world. They don't understand. And I won't give them this. It's not theirs to share."
Lupin sighed, feeling something inside of him grow cold, start to ache.
"When?"
"I was expecting Malfoy's owl this morning. Tonight. Before I head back to the castle."
"All right."
Severus laid his head against Remus's shoulder. "Thank you."
Lupin nodded, too moved to speak for a while. Then he touched Snape's face and looked at his lover.
"We have this afternoon."
Snape nodded.
"Then I want you inside me again, but this way. I want to see your eyes."
"Gods, Remus..."
"Yes, Severus. Yes."
~(*)~
Obliviate.
Snape felt himself being drawn back as Remus spoke the word, felt the odd disorienting feeling that his feet had been ephemeral and now they were solid and back on the ground. He found himself facing the Pensieve and more current memories flooded back.
After the battle, after the Dark Lord's death, when all he'd wanted to do was flee, find some place and try to atone for his sins by opening his veins and drinking the poison he'd saved for so long for this moment, a hand had taken hold of him and before he could do anything, even find out who it was, he'd been apparated from the battlefield.
He'd found himself in foggy London, the bulk of 12 Grimmauld Place directly ahead, being led by a grimy and determined-looking Remus Lupin. Was this meant to be his punishment then? Would the Order demand their own remuneration for his many sins?
"Lupin..."
"Shut up."
He'd been too tired to feel anger or dismay. He followed Lupin inside the ancient, creaking house and sat at the scarred old table, and drank the tea and ate the thin soup he was given and did not question when he was led upstairs and to a private room. The Pensieve in the corner was familiar and he frowned.
"Dumbledore bequeathed it to me. I've found it very useful."
"So. You want me to show you what truly happened. You want to know if I am truly a traitor and deserving of Azkaban."
Lupin smiled at him and he became irritated.
"Not at all. There is something I want to show you, Severus."
Now he looked up to see Remus watching him from across the Pensieve, waiting.
He closed his eyes now, throat too tight for words, heart too full for anything but tears. Gods...
Remus stepped around and took him in his arms and for the first time he could remember, Severus held someone who loved him in his arms, someone who held him back just as tightly, someone who understood his tears and his fears.
There were not enough words to speak his gratitude, so Snape settled for finding Lupin's lips, and kissing his feelings into that mobile, hungry mouth... and two lonely, empty men were finally completed.
~ FINIS ~
Completed: 23 March 2006.
Send your comments and questions to