With thanks and apologies to Paramount, and proceeding under the assumption that forgiveness is easier to ask than permission,
-- This story takes place following "Wrongs Darker Than Death or Night," and before "His Way" --
* * *
INCOMMUNICADO
GreenWoman - 4/6/98
* * *
So when I finished that last line
I put the book by itself
On the shelf
With my heart in it
Never wasting time
Taking the right way home
Still, I am incommunicado ...
-- Incommunicado - Jimmy Buffett --
* * *
The duty roster of Deep Space Nine's Security Chief was as crowded as the
Promenade outside his office doors. With the immediate threat of the
Dominion somewhat diminished and the war effort returning more traffic
to the station, Odo had doubled his patrols in order to keep a watchful
eye on all the increased activity. But for a week now, the changeling
had been preoccupied with a single station resident.
He had not seen her. For five days he had watched, but he had not seen h
er. Messages appeared on his computer screen; his communicator occasion
ally chirped and delivered her voice. But she did not appear at his do
or, did not pace before his console, did not make small talk before fin
ally settling in his guest chair to pour her heart out to him, as she o
nce had. Odo had begun to resign himself to the terrible probability t
hat she would not come at all.
And then, amazingly, she appeared ... a figure in red, standing out like
a vision in the crowd. Through the office doors, across the bustle of
the Promenade, his eyes met hers 85
But Major Kira averted her gaze and continued on her way. In despair, Od
o allowed his head to drop into his hands.
It was too late to hide his lapse of composure when the door panels slipp
ed open, but Odo put up a front anyway, growling menacingly at Quark as
the Ferengi entered the office.
"Are you here on business, Quark? If not, I'm very busy."
"Yes, I saw how busy you are."
"Quark --"
With a bit of a hitch, the Ferengi settled into the guest chair that Odo
had been hoping another one of the station's personnel might occupy. "
It's about Major Kira."
*Wonderful,* thought Odo to himself. "What about her?"
"She's been driving all of us crazy. It was bad enough before she went t
o Bajor, but now she's worse than Morn with a hangover."
Odo's disgusted snort was just a little too overstated. "I don't know wh
at you expect *me* to do about it."
Quark grinned, but his eyes were gentle.
"I expect you to talk to her, Odo. You're the only one who's ever been a
ble to deal with her when she's like this ... give the rest of us a bre
ak, find out what's wrong, and *fix* it, will you?"
Odo studied his datapadd with determined concentration. "If Major Kira w
ants to talk to me, she knows where I am."
"Maybe you should ask Dax if you can borrow her closet again."
"Quark ... "
"All right, all right." Quark slid off the chair and turned for the door
. He paused there, leaning one shoulder against the door frame and loo
king back at the security chief slumped miserably behind his desk. "Bu
t Odo, don't let too much time slide by."
* * *
"Why are you having this conversation with *me*, Nerys?"
Kira glared at her friend, the color high in her cheeks.
"Why?" she shot back. "Am I boring you?"
Jadzia smiled serenely in the face of her friend's anger. "Of course not
," she said mildly. "I'm simply trying to point out to you that I'm no
t the best person for you to be talking to about this."
"You're my friend."
"I know. But I'm not your best friend."
Kira fell silent for a moment. "Maybe you are, now."
"If I am, it's not *his* fault."
Kira's eyes flashed. "Dax," she began, but Jadzia cut her off in a voice
still maddeningly mild.
"I thought you two had settled things at my party. Ten hours is a long t
ime to sit in a closet talking to someone who *isn't* your best friend.
"
Kira dropped her gaze, and took up her glass with an unsteady hand. Bajor
an spring wine surged over the brim and onto the table. Dax noticed th
e spill.
"He's been sitting in his office for days now, ever since you came back f
rom Bajor, waiting for you to talk to him. Why don't you go?"
"Damn you, Jadzia," murmured Kira, staring at her reflection in the spill
ed wine on the tabletop. "Damn him. And most of all, damn me."
"That's quite all right, Major," said Quark, appearing tableside in time
to hear only the end of her remark and thinking she meant the spill. T
he Ferengi set down a fresh bottle of wine and pulled a bar towel from
his cummerbund. "It's easily cleaned up." The wine, and Kira's reflect
ion, were wiped away; on the clean spot, Quark placed a bundle of flowe
rs. Kira scowled at the barkeep.
"What are these for? I only ordered one bunch of Bajoran lilacs. And I'
ll probably never order them again."
"Major." Quark's tone was patronizing, but there was a gentle undertone
to it. "Not all ladies order flowers for themselves. Some occasionall
y receive flowers from admirers."
"I hate flowers."
"Maybe the person who ordered these for you doesn't know that. Maybe he
--or she --knows you've been in a filthy mood for over a week, and
is trying to cheer you up."
Kira fixed Quark with a deadly look. "Who?"
"Maybe Odo did it," Jadzia interjected brightly. "He probably saw you on
the Promenade the other day, carrying the bouquet you got for your mot
her's birthday, and thought you liked them."
"Quark?"
Quark hedged. "Would you be happy if he had?"
"Did the flowers come from Odo, Quark?" The Major's voice had a dangerou
s edge to it. Quark stepped back a pace.
"Now, Major ... that would be telling."
"Maybe you should ask Odo," Dax persisted.
Kira's temper reached its narrow limits and spilled over them. "Maybe I
should," she said fiercely. Rising so quickly that her chair rattled,
Kira grabbed the bouquet and swept it from the table. Lilac petals sc
attered behind her as she stalked from the bar.
Quark and Dax looked at each other.
"We didn't lie," said Dax.
"Didn't have to," replied Quark. "The Major can spring to her own conclu
sions without any help at all."
"She's really angry," Dax remarked.
"Good," replied Quark, as he slid into the Major's vacated chair and refi
lled Kira's glass and Dax's from the new bottle. "Maybe she's angry en
ough that she'll get *him* angry. And then they can settle this. And
we can all live happily, or at least peacefully, ever after." He lifte
d his wineglass; after a moment, Dax lifted hers. The brims clinked, a
nd the two conspirators smiled at each other.
* * *
She would not come. Odo resigned himself to the fact.
The trust between them, which they had cautiously begun to rebuild during
that long night in Dax's closet, was still too fragile. Kira had not
come to him after she had been betrayed by the stranger who looked like
Bariel. She had not told him about the transmission from Gul Dukat.
And after the Prophets had chosen to reveal the painful secret which Od
o had so long protected her from, she had turned to the Emissary, not t
o him.
Odo grieved for her. And for himself, and for all that had been lost bet
ween them.
His work forgotten, unseeing eyes fixed on his computer terminal, Odo was
taken by surprise for the second time that day when his office doors s
lid open. The Changeling's fluid body thrilled with relief at the sigh
t of Kira standing in his office door, then contracted as he took in he
r expression, her posture, and the flowers clenched in her fist. Odo f
linched as the bouquet slammed down on his desk. Petals scattered and
drifted to the floor.
"Did you send these?" she demanded.
"No."
It was not the answer she had expected, or rehearsed a reply to. Kira
hesitated, then sat uncomfortably in what had once been her customary cha
ir.
"But Quark and Dax --"
"They said I did?" Odo inquired carefully.
"Yes! Well, no, but --"
Blue eyes and brown ones locked across the security desk. Slowly, comp
rehension dawned behind them.
"Quark," said Odo.
"Dax," said Kira. A small smile touched her lips for a moment, then fade
d.
"You don't like Bajoran lilacs?" It was an offer to her; Odo waited to s
ee if she would accept it. But an icy veil descended over Kira's eyes.
"No."
He tried again.
"Why not?"
She looked away. "My mother --"
His heart lifted. *Yes, Nerys --talk to me ....* But the moment passe
d.
"Oh, never mind," she said, rising to leave.
Odo spoke quickly, not allowing himself time to think of the consequences
.
"You are angry at your mother because of her liaison with Dukat."
Kira froze.
"How do you know that?" Her voice was cold, controlled.
"I know that you received a transmission from Gul Dukat last week. I kno
w that you went to Bajor to consult the Orb of Time. And I guessed tha
t the Orb would tell you about your mother."
Stunned, Kira sat heavily in the chair again. "How --"
"I make it my business to know everything I can about those around me, Ki
ra. Including Dukat. And you." Anger flared in her eyes, but Odo held
up his hand. "And Quark," he continued. "Commander Sisko, and Jake.
O'Brien and his family. Worf, and Dax, and Morn, and Bashir. Everyone.
It's my job, Nerys."
Kira was silent. Odo steeled himself, and spoke aloud the last secret he
had from her.
"I never met her, of course. It was over long before I came to work on T
erok Nor. But later, when you and I met, when we began to work togethe
r and became --friends 85" he paused for a moment. "I remembered th
e name from Dukat's files."
"And you never told me?"
"Your father never told you. Does it surprise you that I made the same
choice?"
"How could you keep this from me all this time?" Her tone was flat.
"How could I *not*?" Emotion finally broke into the changeling's voice.
"It could only hurt you. I saw no reason to inflict unnecessary pain."
"I deserved to know the truth."
"I have never cheated you by giving you less --I value you too highly t
o do that. And I didn't lie to you about this."
"You might as well have."
"There have been secrets between us before, Nerys," he reminded her.
She dropped her eyes, remembering Vatrick. Odo saw the pain in her face,
and it burned straight to the core of his being. He cursed himself fo
r his brutal bluntness, and tried to gentle his voice.
"Meru's sacrifice saved your family. She did what she thought was right.
"
"She did it because she *wanted* to!" The anger burst through and slamme
d into him. "She did it for the food, and the clothes, and the comfort
s."
"She did it for *you.*"
"She slept with Dukat! She bought the whole act ... believed everything
he said. She even tried to defend him to me!"
"Would you feel better about it if she had been miserable?"
"I tried to kill her, Odo."
Kira looked at him then, and the shapeshifter was struck through with ho
rror at the self-loathing he saw in those honest eyes.
"I know," she said bitterly, misreading his expression. "What kind of a
woman tries to kill her own mother? But I did --and I almost succeed
ed." She curled in upon herself then, huddling in the chair, and Odo t
hought that she had suddenly shrunk somehow. He rose slowly and circle
d his desk to stand before her; carefully he reached down and touched h
er shoulder.
"Nerys, listen to me. I understand how you feel. That day on the Defian
t --the changeling who was trying to destroy the ship 85"
Kira did not look up, but Odo's fingertips felt her trembling. A small v
oice came from her lowered face.
"It's not the same, Odo. You were trying to save us all. And he wasn't y
our family. It wasn't the same."
"He *was* my family, Nerys. They are *all* my family."
Kira made a small sound; her face stayed hidden. Odo dropped to his knee
s before her. Reaching out, he wrapped his slender fingers around her
clenched fists.
*Her hands are so cold ... *
Gently he unfolded her arms, pulling her hands to his chest and holding t
hem tightly, as she had once done for him in a moment of terrible loss,
long ago on his home world. Kira looked up at his touch; Odo saw the
torment in her eyes and cursed the Prophets again. Her damned Prophets
, who never seemed to tire of inflicting pain on their children. They
had brought her to the brink of madness, then abandoned her to face it
alone. Odo could not understand the why of it.
"Nerys 85"
"She was a collaborator." Bitterness infused the words.
"*I* was a collaborator, too."
Kira was silent. Odo pressed on. "But you looked past that. You can do
it again, Nerys. You have to ... for your mother's sake, and for your
own."
Kira shivered. Unshed tears glittered and were blinked away with determi
ned fierceness. Odo held her hands tightly.
"Why do you think Dukat told you this? He's beaten ... the only power he
has over you now is the power to hurt you. Don't let him take your mo
ther from you a second time, Nerys."
Wide brown eyes met, fixed on blue ones. Slowly, slowly, Kira's clenched
fingers relaxed in her friend's grasp; slowly, she leaned forward and
rested her forehead against his. A long, weary sigh escaped her; Odo
shivered as the sweet warmth of her breath brushed his face. He knelt
unmoving, anchoring her trembling body with their clasped hands, as the
silence stretched between them.
"All right," she whispered finally.
Odo longed to reach out, to fold her in his arms and kiss her, to hold he
r safe and comfort her with his embrace. Instead he drew back, rising
to his feet and drawing Kira up out of the chair with him. Releasing h
er hands, he lifted the battered bouquet of Bajoran lilacs from his des
k and pressed the flowers into her arms.
"Take these, Nerys," he urged gently. "They were given to you by people
who care about you."
Kira stared down at the blooms. After a moment, she brought them up to h
er face and inhaled deeply; then she raised her eyes to Odo and smiled
at him. A small, tight smile, but a smile nonetheless.
"Then I guess they must have come from you, after all." Impulsively, she
tugged a stem from the bouquet and held it out to him. "Thank you, Od
o."
He tried to master the trembling that ran through his body as he took the
offering. Without another word, Kira turned and left his office, the
flowers clutched to her breast. Odo watched her through the door panel
s as she disappeared in the crowd.
*Ah, Nerys -- Why is it always my job to give you the hard truths, to f
orce you to make the painful choices, to be the one standing by you whe
n things are at their worst? Will I ever have the chance to offer you
happiness, or love?*
Odo looked down in wonder at the lilacs she had pressed into his hand. T
he changeling was well aware that her trust was as fragile as the tatte
red blossoms, yet Kira had given both to him. For now, it was enough.
-30-
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