"Realizations" by Amylynn Bellingrath
"Realizations"
Well, gentle readers, here's something that sort of 'fell' out of my fevered
brain last night. It takes place right after the crew on the Defiant blew the
heck out of that power source that was generating the weapons platforms, but
right as Bashir delivers his message to them. It's not as Odo-based as some
of the stuff that's posted here, but it does give us a little angst from the
Kira side of this royal couple!!
Thanks to my luvvly beta reader and confidante, Lynette, for seeing through
the grammar mistakes and right into the soul of it!!
Usual disclaimers apply
"Realizations"
"Bashir to Defiant"
The tone of his voice threw Kira into shock: something was
terribly wrong. Her first thought was 'Odo!' It seemed inconceivable
that something could have happened to him, yet her feverish mind
overloaded with horrifying possibilities. To her, it would be almost
fitting - everyone she had ever loved had died, so why not Odo? They had
spent last night talking: she of her childhood and the Resistance, and
he of the lab and Dr. Mora. The time had gone too quickly and had ended
too abruptly. She had fallen asleep while he held her, and it occurred
to her that she had left with the task force to embark on this suicide
mission without telling Odo how she felt about him. How could she
possibly leave the only man she had ever truly loved, for a mission that
she may very well not ever return from, without telling him that she
loved him? She struggled for air, as the world seemed to stand
completely, utterly still around her.
Gasping, she replied, "Kira here, Julian. What's wrong?" As she
waited for his reply, she steeled herself for the the loss she was sure
to receive.
"It's Jadzia, Major. How quickly can you return?"
All at once, some of the color returned to her vision. She
slumped into the captain's chair with an almost, dare she say, relieved
sigh. Obviously, Dax was in serious trouble, or Julian wouldn't be
pleading for them to return.
Worf jumped from his seat, exclaiming, "Jadzia! What's happened
to her?" He paced the bridge, fists clenching and unclenching
unconsciously. Kira stood and went to him, placing a hand on his arm, as
they prepared for the news. Jadzia had been mortally wounded and wasn't
expected to make it. Bashir didn't have any other details, as he was
going to attempt to operate on Jadzia and save her life. Worf left the
bridge to wait in his quarters, and Kira herself entrusted the bridge to
O'Brien and Nog.
She spent most of the trip home in the mess hall, cradling a cup
of
raktajino. She didn't drink much, but the warmth and aroma were
strangely
comforting. Her thoughts raced from Odo to Dax, and she found herself
feeling selfish. Jadzia was one of her best friends, and she tried not
to think about losing yet another one. She had been so afraid that Odo
was going to be the one dying that she didn't even think of the others.
She wasn't exactly sure how she could forgive herself for her
self-centeredness. ~How could you be so selfish as to be relieved that
Odo wasn't the one who lay dying at this very moment?~ she chided
herself.
As she sat staring into her cup, Chief O'Brien entered the mess
and ordered a cup of coffee, double sweet, from the replicator. He took
his mug and walked to where the Major sat, asking, "Mind if I join you,
Major? You look like you could use the company." His tone was that of a
big brother looking out for his baby sister. Ever since she had been
pregnant with his and Keiko's son, he'd kind of looked out for her. He
knew that Kira and Dax had spent a lot of time together, and he wanted
her to know that he was there if she needed him.
"Sure, Miles. I was just thinking about..." her voice trailed
off into the distance as her eyes welled up with tears. She pushed her
mug aside and dropped her head onto her arms, sobbing helplessly.
Miles put a reassurring hand on her shoulder, murmuring
comfortingly,
"Shhh...Nerys. It's all right. Maybe it's not as bad as Julian said.
We all know of his talent for exaggeration." He said the last part with
a chuckle that he didn't quite believe. "She's a tough woman; she'll
make it." ~I hope.~ he added to himself.
Kira raised her tear-stained face to him and shook her head as
she attempted an explanation for her outburst.
"No, Miles. That's not the only reason why I feel so terrible,"
she explained, drawing a breath and releasing it raggedly. "It's just
that, before Julian told us what had happened, all I could think about
was that Odo had been hurt." She looked away for a moment, then
continued, "We've been together for such a short time, and I was so sure
it had been he that was injured. All I could think about was that he
could be dead," she began to cry again, "and I would have to live without
him, knowing that I never told him how much I love him," she sobbed.
Nodding sympathetically, Miles told her, "I know exactly how you
feel. I had the same frightening thought - that something had happened
to Keiko or to one of the kids. It's not easy to leave them to go on
some bloody crazy mission, and it's natural to believe the worst in this
kind of situation. I've never gotten used to the fact that every time I
say goodbye to my family may be the last." He patted Kira's back in
empathy. "Keiko just tells me to say 'see you later' or something less
final. She's smart, and she knows it," the last was said with a twinkle
in his eye.
"But I was so caught up in my thoughts that I was almost relieved
when Julian had said that it was Jadzia. How could I be so horrible, for my
only thought to be' glad it wasn't Odo'? How could I have only thought of
myself? If Jadzia dies, I'll have lost another wonderful friend, and
I don't know how I'll forgive myself for my narrow mindedness. And
what if it had been Odo, Miles? How could I live with myself, knowing
that he never knew how I felt? He's my miracle, my rock, my soulmate.
The Prophets must have sent him for me, and I haven't ever told him how
much he means to me." She wiped her face and took a deep breath.
O'Brien stood up and regarded Kira with a smile. "I guess I know
what you'll be saying to our dear Constable as soon as we get back," he
said with a wink. "I'm sure he'll be pleased to hear your words. Now
let's get back on that bridge; Jadzia's expecting us."
Kira stood up and briefly hugged the Chief. She really liked
Miles and was grateful for his friendship. "Thanks, Chief. I had
forgotten how precious every moment can be. During the Occupation we
learned to live for the moment, but over the past few years, I've begun
to rely too heavily on the future. I just feel so guilty, thinking of
myself and my problems, when others are worse off than I. Now I realize
that, although it wasn't Odo or me this time, it could be next time."
With that said, she straightened her shoulders and strode
purposefully towards the door.
all feedback to Miserichik
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