Bashir came running into the briefing room, panting, but still obviously quite pleased with himself. Sisko wondered which of the dabo girls had accepted the young doctor's advances this time. "I've found it!" he yelled, doing a small celebratory dance around the room.

"Found what?" Worf asked in an ominous tone, fearing the located item might have something to do with Jadzia.

"Why, the gene that causes Bajoran Terminal Obliviousness, of course," Bashir replied smoothly.

"That *is* impressive, Doctor," Sisko responded.

"Do you think Kira could be treated?" Odo asked hopefully.

"I don't see why not," O'Brien threw in helpfully.

"Oh, I don't think that's necessary," Sisko added, "After all, then she may start questioning why we leave her out of meetings like this and always send her into the dangerous situations ahead of everyone else."

"True," Dax chimed in, "but what about the rest of the Bajoran population?"

"I could put an antidote in the water supply," Julian responded.

"Could you start in Doctor Mora's hometown?" Odo asked in his usual gruff tones.

"How about Shakaar?" Miles wondered.

"Second *that* motion!" Odo yelled.

"All in favor?" Dax asked, and was responded to by a hearty round of 'ayes'.

"It seems to be unanimous," Sisko said, "but forget it. I have a good thing going with this Emissary business and I'm not about to let you screw it up."

"Ooo, ooo, Kai Winn," Dax added excitedly.

"What about Kai Winn?" Kira asked as she came in.

"Umm... she's a Bajoran?" Sisko offered tentatively.

"Well, of course," Kira replied, sensing nothing at all odd about that response. Sisko's point about the necessity of keeping at least one particular Bajoran in a state of oblivion had been made. So they quickly dispatched Kira on an errand.

"I also found the factor in Kira's blood that causes her to suck the personality out of her lovers," Julian continued. "It's a fascinating evolutionary trait in Bajoran woman that ensures fidelity, as no other woman would want these boring men."

"Oh, like Coma Boy?" Jadzia smiled.

"Exactly!" Julian exclaimed.

Odo turned several shades paler.

"Are you OK, Constable?" Worf asked.

"Just... fine."

They discussed a few other matters of trivial importance before everyone left, like whether to switch the replicators from Pepsi to Coke, and whether the 216th revision of Star Wars should be shown at the new theater on the Promenade. Dax and Worf took off in a hurry, followed closely by Sisko and O'Brien. Bashir and Odo were the only ones left in the room, and they too exited and headed for Quark's.

"Are you sure you're OK, Constable?" Bashir asked.

"It's true... She sucks the personality right out of them... Bariel... Shakaar... I could be next!" Odo was visibly shaken.

"I think you're getting a little ahead of yourself there, Odo. I'm pretty sure it requires... extended physical contact before the personalty vanishes," Bashir comforted.

"Right. I just have to find some other woman to obsess over."

"Good luck. This station has many amenities, but available women are not one of them. There's Jadzia, who while very lovely, also happens to have an extremely-jealous-Klingon-type boyfriend, Leeta, who'd rather be with *Rom* then me..."

"Do I detect a note of bitterness, Doctor?"

"Damn straight. Then there's Kasidy Yates, AKA The Captain's Woman; Kira, the personality vampire; Keiko, the very married; and Molly, all of what, six? Am I forgetting anyone?"

"Barring yearly visits from Lwaxana Troi, no."

"You're the one who married her."

"I wish you wouldn't bring that up."

"Sorry." Julian answered. "Here I am, genetically enhanced for her pleasure, and I still can't get a date."

"So what do you do, Doctor? I never put much credence into those rumors about you and Garak..."

"Garak... and... I..." Julian repeated with a face of sheer disgust. "No. Definitely no. As in no way in this or any other parallel universe as long as there is any life in my body."

"I see."

"Good. And if you ever put that kind of image in my head again, I'll..."

"You'll what, Doctor?" Odo sniped.

"I'll give you images of you and Quark that will keep you from sleeping for weeks," Bashir said with a smug smile.

"You just did."

"Good."

"Not really. So, what do you do?"

"Holosuites."

"Hmmph. I should have known." Odo's tone was gruff.

"Well, until I can convince Sisko to hire me some nubile young nurse, I'm not seeing a lot of options."

"Point," Odo conceded.

"You know, I have the perfect program for you, Constable," Bashir said thoughtfully.

"If this has anything to do with Klingon mating techniques, I'll pass."

"Klingon? Why would you say that? Do I look like Jadzia?" Bashir was confused.

"Just another rumor I heard."

"I'd really like to know your sources," Bashir commented.

"I'm afraid I can't tell you that," Odo began, but the alcohol was beginning to make him more and more suggestible, so with minimal prodding from Bashir he finished, "I'll give you a hint, the name starts with a 'G', ends with a 'K', and has an 'ara' in the middle."

"I might have known," Bashir replied crossly.

"You should have."

"Oh, bite me!" Julian responded emphatically.

"Is that a proposition, Doctor?"

"NO!"

"Just checking."

At this point Worf walked over to the table. "Pardon me, but would you happen to have any Grey Poupon?"

"But of course," Odo answered and handed him a beer. Worf rolled his eyes and left, muttering Klingon curses under his breath. "What does she see in him?" Odo muttered.

"Women love a man that broods, and I can't think of anyone who broods more than Worf." Julian responded while gazing fondly across the room towards Dax.

"Point one, I meant "What does Kira see in Shakaar?", and point two, I brood, and I haven't noticed anyone breaking things in an effort to get to me."

"You grumble, you don't brood. It's a Klingon thing."

"Hmmph."

"Maybe I should start brooding." Julian practiced a brooding face.

"Sticking your lip out doesn't constitute brooding, Doctor."

"I guess I just don't have the brooding personality."

"It's a Klingon thing," Odo answered.

"Ah, Klingons..." Quark said in fond reminiscence as he approached their table. "Such a lovely people..."

"I take it Grilka's coming to the station."

Quark's only response was a pointy-toothed smile. "I'll prepare sickbay," Julian said with a grimace.

"What's the matter, Doctor? Not getting any?" Bashir shot a glare at the Ferengi that almost looked capable of making Quark scream in pain, had Quark been paying attention, of course. "I could ask Grilka to bring a friend."

"Yeah, man, I tell ya what. Those darn Klingons and their mating rituals, all those dang bruises... punch... kick... (unintelligible)... bat'telh..."

"Uh, Doctor, exactly how many drinks has Odo had tonight?"

"I believe that was his fourth Shiner Bock, and he had two strawberry daquiris before that," Julian replied matter-of-factly.

"Uh huh. Some people -- or is he a changeling again this week? -- anyway, they just can't handle their liquor," Quark shook his head, wondering exactly what do you do with a drunken changeling.

"Nope, guess not."

"So are you going to keep nursing that pina colada or go out there and find yourself a woman?"

"Yes! Dammit! I'm going to do it!" Bashir cried. It might be noted that Quark's pina coladas have a special ingredient in them, one that makes the drinker very suggestible, but only to stupid suggestions.

"And I have just the thing to help you..." Quark said, his eyes lighting up at the thought of the potential profit.

"No vole fights, Quark..." Odo broke out from his drunken stupor for a few brief moments.

"No, this is something..."

"No prostitution, Quark..." Odo said sternly.

"Would I do that?" Quark feigned shock.

"Yes."

"Constable, you wound me."

"I wish," Odo retorted.

"What do you have, Quark?" Bashir interrupted.

"A karoke machine!" Quark was obviously pleased with himself.

"A karoke machine?"

"Yep. You scoff, but it worked for Morn."

"Morn," Odo snorted.

"Yes, the lovely ladies form the ship that docked here last week, they loved his version of the Macarena."

"Another image I did *not* need," Julian responded.

"Here, I'll show you..." Quark proceeded to get up on the bar and started in on "I Shot the Sheriff", which brought growls and glares from Odo and cheers from the rest of the assembled patronage. Then a dabo girl jumped up on the bar with Quark and enticed him out of the room with suggestive gestures directed towards his ears. As soon as they were out of the view of customers, Quark paid her a slip of latinum and they snuck back in to watch the continuing spectacle.

By this time, Odo had gotten extremely curious and knocked over several people, including Bashir, on his way up to the bar. "Let me try this," he snarled and started in on "I Will Survive", which attracted the interest of a passing delegation from Betazed that forced him from the stage with multitudes of underwear thrown at him.

Bashir couldn't take any more. He jumped up and started on "Sir Psycho Sexy", but by this time the crowd had tired of the whole thing and turned its attention back to the Dabo tables. Despite O'Brien's backup vocals, Bashir was largely ignored, except for a large Bolian woman in the back, who was, not coincidentally, sitting next to Garak. Bashir left the room with a large sigh.

Garak followed the doctor and when Julian got angry at him for certain rumors, Garak made a few suggestions as to what could be done. Unfortunately for the doctor, Quark's secret ingredient was really starting to kick in. So Bashir staggered up to Ops and broke into "Closer". Sisko eyed him with that look that says "I'm five seconds away from becoming a raving lunatic," and then reached out and punched the good doctor, who slowly crumpled to the deck, where most of the crew (except for Worf, who gleefully kicked at the doctor's prostrate form) tried to step over his body for the next several hours.

Epilogue: Odo was not seen for three days, reappearing at approximately the same moment the Betazoid delegation left the station. Bashir woke up in the infirmary several hours after being punched by Sisko, with no memory of the preceding events. He still remains unaware of his new tattoo.

END OF STORY

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