Bloodfire

A DS9/Odo/Kira Story

by KyRoka

"Is this home?/Is this where I should learn to be happy?/Never dreamed/That a home could be dark and cold/I was told/Every day in my childhood/Even as we grow old/Home will be where the heart is/Never were words so true/My heart's far, far away/Home is too

Is this home?/Is this what I must learn to believe in?/Try to find/Something good in this tragic place/Just in case/I should stay here forever/Held in this empty space/Oh, but that won't be easy/I know the reason why/My heart's far, far away/Home's a lie

What I'd give to return/To the life that I knew lately/But I know that I can't/Solve my problems going back Is this home?/Am I here for a day or forever?/Shut away/From the world until who knows when/Oh but then/As my life has been altered once/It can change again/Build higher walls around me/Change every lock and key/Nothing lasts/Nothings holds/All of me/My heart's far, far away/Home and free."

-Belle, "Home", Beauty and the Beast (Broadway version)

He squinted a little as the sun beat down on him. Bajor's sun wasn't particularly harsh, but the gloom of the station hadn't prepared his eyes for sunshine.

The station. The thought brought a sense of grief to his heart. He missed all that he had given up on: his job as chief of station security, haggling Quark, his friends, but most of all . . . her.

Odo cleared his head with a shake. He was here to move on with his life, not dwell in the past! As proof, a small cottage was not even five meters in front of him. It had a bedroom, a common area, a kitchen, and a very small office with a comm unit (well, and a bathroom, of course); just the necessities. It really didn't matter though; he wasn't expecting any visitors. And any unexpected ones wouldn't be encouraged to stay for long.

He was out in the fields the first opportunity he had. It was only an acre, but he was planning on working it the old fashioned way, no new-fangled machinery or technological advancements. Luckily, the planting season hadn't begun yet; he would still have time to till the ground and prepare it adequately.

His mind was turbulent as he dug up the ground with a shovel. Thoughts of the station, her station, kept drifting through his mind. What it had looked like gleaming in space as the transport had headed for Bajor. She would never forgive him -- but it was something that had to be done. Action had to be taken -- for he could not forgive himself for the years of inaction. Odo seemed to gain a fresh sense of energy and he worked even more fervently.

By the time all sunlight was gone for the day, Odo had the entire acre plowed. It had only taken him half the day. Not bad for someone used to being cooped up. He leaned the shovel against his shoulder and headed back to the cottage, his cottage.

The bed beckoned to him as he walked through the door. He gratefully fell asleep as soon as he felt the soft texture and support beneath him.

(-|-)

Every muscle ached. Odo craned his head, somewhat regrettably, to check the chronometer. 1200 hours. Bashir should be on duty; maybe he could give him something for sore muscles . . .

Wake up, Odo. You're not on the station anymore. He eased himself over to the first aid kit. The blisters on his hands came first; he healed them as best he could but it left his hands slightly tougher, slightly rougher. Then came the muscles -- it seemed as if all of them were tense. The vibrator seemed to be the only thing that worked; it took a little longer than a single hypospray would have and there were some back muscles he couldn't reach, but all in all it wasn't that bad of a job. Finally he was completely relaxed . . . well, almost, but that had nothing to do with overused muscles. It had to do with an entirely under-used muscle and a certain Bajoran major onboard the station.

Odo let the fire burn inside of him, waiting for it to pass. He just couldn't bring himself to . . . relieve it as the tapes Julian had given him had explained. The action seemed so -- vulgar, an act of complete and utter desperation. Besides, he had managed for quite a long time, alone, just fine without. Before long the fire was overcome by another intense wave of something.

Hunger.

Well, that makes sense as I didn't really eat anything yesterday.

He walked over to the limited replicator and ordered a tuna fish sandwich, heavy on the relish. It was one of his favorites and he easily gulped down another before his stomach was full and his mouth screamed for liquid.

"Raktajino, extra hot, two measures of kava." Odo had the cup in hand, ready to take a sip when he realized what he had done.

The mug shattered to the floor, and Odo's control went right along with it. He started sobbing uncontrollably and eventually found himself face to face with sandwich number two revisited.

Sweet Prophets, what have I done? What have I done?

By the time he calmed down, Bajor was deep into one of its rare moonless nights. The darkness was a welcome presence because it reminded Odo of the station but only slightly, as one remembers an old toy. It was time to move on with his life. Besides, he had seeds to plant. There was neither time nor room for the past in the new future he had prepared for himself.

(-|-)

"What is he, crazy?"

"Major, I'm sure the Constable has his reasons . . ."

"Well, I would sure like to know what they are." Kira stopped her pacing and slumped defeatedly weary into the chair in front of Sisko's desk.

"I would, too, Major, but, with any hope, he'll come back with a perfectly good explanation. I'd hate to lost such a valuable officer, not to mention such a valuable friend."

Kira stood up briskly with a nod. She had to get out of the confining office. It seemed to be closing in on her as the fields of Bajor never had. It reminded her of the lure Bajor had. She doubted that Odo would be coming back.

Kira sat in Quark's, quietly nursing a drink, completely oblivious to the lavishly dressed Trill who approached her.

"Kira, I thought we agreed to visit Camelot tonight."

"What?" Kira looked up from her world of thought. "Oh, I'm sorry, Jadzia. I forgot." She took another sip of her drink. Her eyes looked at something too out of focus to be real, the apology more of a reflex than anything else.

Jadzia took a seat opposite her friend, carefully maneuvering the massive dress into some semblance of comfort.

"Kira, you've got to stop this. It's been over six months since he left. You need to accept the fact that he's not coming back."

Kira's head snapped up and the angry fire that poured from her eyes made Jadzia Dax jump.

"He's coming back . . . he has to." Kira's voice cracked with her last words as she stared back into her glass. "We were just starting to patch things up . . ." Her mind raced back to their heated debates over truth and justice. It was all they had talked about -- all they had argued about. Why had she been so stubborn?

Jadzia reached over and grabbed Kira's hand, sensing the pain, and that slightest contact was enough for Kira to break down.

"You know," she started between sobs, "first I lost my freedom, then my family, then Bareil, then Shakaar and even the O'Briens, who I just beginning to feel at home with. But, after the baby was born, there really wasn't any reason for me to stay. And through most of all that, Odo was there, always a friend, always willing to listen, even about the things he hadn't been around for." Tears refused to fall from their breeding ground but they fell in her words.

Jadzia sat there perplexed. She couldn't rightly tell Kira why he had left, but she couldn't bear to see her friend so distraught either. It simply wasn't her place.

"You know, Jadzia, he didn't even say good-bye. He just left, no explanation, no note, no nothing. I didn't even know till that first meeting with the new security chief . . . I couldn't understand, didn't want to understand. Why, Jadzia? Without even a word!"

Dax jumped at the opening.

"So then why don't you go down to Bajor and get some answers?"

"What?" It was such a straight forward answer, on that had been running through her head for the past six months that for a moment, Kira wondered if Jadzia had indeed uttered the comment.

"Go down to Bajor and confront him." Kira sat there, thinking about it. "There's a transport that's leaving in twenty minutes."

"But, I'd have to ask time off and get things straightened out . . ."

Jadzia smiled, knowing by those words that Kira had already made up her mind. "I'll take care of it, Nerys. Somehow I think I can convince Benjamin to give you some time off for good behavior."

Kira smiled faintly at the joke. "You're a good friend, Jadzia," and then she was gone as memories of another friend took over.

(-|-)

It was a chilly night on Bajor. Kira stepped gratefully onto the ground and headed for the information kiosk. The station-to-planet transports never sat well with her. By the time she had located Odo's house in the most obscure records that existed in the Directory, it was well into the middle of the night.

No time to drop in, I suppose.

Kira checked into a nearby hotel and quickly fell asleep, too tired to worry about the dreams.

She could see the sun glistening off his sweaty body as he stood in the doorway of his house, clad only in work pants. It was as if he had known she was coming. But how? Surely Jadzia hadn't . . .

"What are you doing here?" There was regret and anger in his voice and it made Kira's step falter a moment.

"I was about to ask you the same question."

"Why do you care now?" He crossed his arms in front of him, in characteristically Odo fashion.

"Now? I've been waiting . . . hoping . . . praying that you'd come back for the past six months!" She fueled

the fear and disbelief into the force and passion of her argument.

"You must have known I wouldn't come back."

"No, I always thought . . ." Tears were starting to well up in Kira's eyes.

"You're a blind fool, Major. You can't even see what's right in front of you." Odo turned and walked into the cottage, slamming the door behind him.

"No!" Kira shouted, running up to the door. She pounded her fists on it, trying to break through. I can't lose you again. You can't leave me again . . . Please.

"It's no use, Nerys. Not until you can see what's right in front of you."

Kira looked up in shock at the response, and, where there had once been a door, there was only Odo. They were both floating in a glorious nebula, colors swirling vibrantly around them but the only thing Kira could see was his eyes. They seemed to beat a brilliant blue, like a pulsar. And there was something else, something almost tangible. She reached for his hand . . .

. . . and woke up clinging to the sheets. Sweat soaked her, seemingly to the bone. She had been so close to an answer, but it had just managed to elude her. Kira refocused her eyes as the sunshine began to filter in through the curtains. She had had anything but a peaceful, restful night's sleep but she needed to see him. It could wait no longer.

(-|-)

The sun was well into the afternoon sky by the time Kira transported on sight near his house. A slight wind swept through the mountains the house was situated in as Kira took in the beauty around her. She smiled at the tall crops growing in plenty; it was good to see the land of Bajor at work again, but there was no sign of Odo.

There was no answer to her knock, but the door opened easily.

"Hello? Odo?" Kira asked as she warily entered the darkened house, the name issuing from her lips in odd fashion. All the windows had curtains drawn over them and none of the vibrant outside light shone in.

"Lights?" She wasn't sure if the house was equipped with computer-operated illumination, but, luckily, it was.

The house was very sparsely furnished, with only a table, a chair, and a rather hard-looking sofa. She set her bag on the table and started to wander through the limited rest of the house. The unmade bed was surrounded on the floor by dirty clothes. The adequate bathroom was spotless, as the kitchen and common room had been.

She almost missed the office, sitting off one of the bedroom's corners. There were farming charts and schedules, all filed and ordered perfectly of course. More than that, however, there was poetry.

Odd. Why doesn't this surprise me? My best friend has a hidden talent I didn't know about and yet, I'm not surprised in the least.

She leafed through a few and discovered insights on Odo's tribulations with farming, his fits of anger and frustration, his ongoing struggle for order, and . . . and the currents of passion stirring under his skin.

Kira walked out into the kitchen and ordered a raktajino, extra hot with two measures of kava, sipping it as she took a seat on the only chair. How could there have been so many facets to her friend that she had never known about? She had sometimes seen the anger and frustration, especially when dealing with Quark, but . . . passion?

Certainly he was passionate about his work, about order and justice . . . but raw animal passion? The possibility wreaked havoc with Kira's body as the image of his sweaty body from her dream resurfaced. If those hands of his were left to . . .

Snap out of it! This is Odo we're talking about. But even that thought did not work as it had so many times of late. He's not the same Odo he was, Nerys. He's human now. He's bound to have needs. But what kind of needs? Did he too spend long nights reliving every moment, every regret? Did he too need acceptance more than almost anything else?

She eventually moved to the sofa, but it was too firm, obviously meant to discourage long visits. Hmm, that's not a bad idea. Even five minutes rest on it left her entire body aching. She moved to the bed, vowing not to fall into a deep sleep. But her body, already taking the toll from restless sleep and the strain of travel, betrayed her and she was soon dreaming again. Only this time, it was with the knowledge that Odo was as much a slave to hormones as she was.

(-|-)

It had been dark for quite awhile by the time Odo made it back to the cottage. He pulled off his shirt as he entered the bedroom and headed straight for the shower. It had become a routine. Wake up, eat, work, eat, work, shower, sleep. And one of these days, he was going to have to do some laundry.

He decided not to shave. He was just too tired tonight as he had been yesterday. It was hard enough just trying to get the harvest in. He tied his hair into a ponytail again. It was already half way down his back, but he didn't have the time to get it cut. He just didn't have the time for anything lately except getting the crop in.

He wrapped a towel around his waist and padded into the kitchen with a yawn or two on the way. He grabbed a mug of Darjeeling tea and went to sit in his office. That's when he noticed the bag on the table in the common room.

It contained very little. A few personal effects, a change of clothes, and the rust-colored uniform of a major. He took out the communicator and disabled it without really thinking about the possible ramifications. He didn't want anyone else to know where he lived. Prophets, he didn't even want her knowing.

Well, it's too late for that, isn't it? Come on. You knew this day would come . . . you just thought it'd be much sooner. So much for spending all those days worrying and waiting for her to show up.

He replicated a pair of pants before searching her out.

Too bad it takes so much energy; I could use a shirt, too, he thought, shivering oddly in the warm, humid air.

He found her laying on his bed and was reminded of a Terran fairy tale about a girl named Goldilocks. She was obviously dreaming, and Odo didn't have the heart or the nerve to wake her up. Besides, he was too tired to deal with anyone. He grabbed the extra pillow from the closet and settled as much as he could on a sofa a meter too small and about four times harder than rocks.

Well, you're the one who had to go and fall in love with her.

(-|-)

"Odo! Odo! NO!" The screams cut through his dreams and he was by her side before he realized she was dreaming. She was sweating and obviously struggling against something.

"No! Don't leave me! Odo! Please!" By now there were tears covering her face.

So much for not dwelling in the past, Odo thought. He couldn't take it any longer.

"Major," he said, taking hold of her hands, "Major, I'm right here."

Kira awoke with a start and hugged him so fiercely that he almost lost the precarious balance one maintains in a squatting position. He didn't know what to do.

"It's all right, Major. You were just having a bad dream."

The use of her rank snapped her back into reality. She retreated back and looked at Odo for the first time in months. His electric eyes were intense with worry as they stood out even more, now in contrast with his tanned body.

He stood up, and Kira realized that he had changed. His skin was tanned, once sinewy limbs had been ever so slightly sculpted into muscled ones, and his very stance seemed different.

"Can I get you anything, Major?" he asked distantly.

"No, thank you, Constable."

"I'm not one of those any longer, remember?" A look of grief passed briefly across his face as he crossed his arms in front of him.

"I know." Kira, too, felt the sense of loss. "That's why I, ah, came here." She paused, trying to ignore her rapidly beating heart. Could he really be standing so close? "You never gave anyone any explanation as to why you left, and I think it's about time you did."

Odo sat down at the opposite end of the bed from Kira with his back to her. Trust Jadzia to keep her mouth shut this one time. But, this was his story to tell. Meanwhile, Kira couldn't help herself from marveling at the muscles that seemed to ripple with each breath.

Get a hold on yourself. You came here to get answers, not action.

"It got to the point where I couldn't stay on the station a minute longer," he finally offerred, the grief that filled his voice making Kira wonder if it was the truth.

"But why? You obviously aren't exactly having fun here. There has to be so much more than what you can express in words..."

"You read my poems?" He felt utterly violated and yet, at the same time, it gave her insight into his psyche without him having to explain it all.

"Only a few. Only enough to learn some things I didn't know before." Her tone was innocuously elusive.

"You didn't . . . no, there's no way you could have."

"What?"

"Nothing, nothing." The one poem he didn't want her seeing, describing every moment, every thought, every dream. It was locked away tight and secure, but still, he worried.

"So, what made you leave, Odo?" The name halted as she spoke it, consciously aware of a growing attraction to him as the images of her dreams came back to her. The energy was building inside her but she tried to focus on what he had to say.

"I . . ." Odo paused. Well, you have the chance. No one else is around. This is how you planned it. She still has to go back to the station. Spill it. He took a deep breath. "I left because of you."

All the energy in Kira's body drained away. Her? She had driven her best friend away?

"What . . . what did I do?" She was on the verge of tears. He turned and fixed electric blue eyes on solemn brown ones.

"You made me fall in love with you." The statement fell plainly yet comfortable in the suddenly silent room.

Kira sat in shock. Odo in love with her? The images from her dream flashed back to her. That was what she had needed to see and she found herself finding an oddly empty spot in her heart. It was the part of her heart that Odo had taken with him when he had left, leaving the hole that had made her show up at Quark's every night for six months, hoping to fill it with liquor, the same hole that had brought her to this house, this spot.

She blinked and realized that Odo had moved to the common room, quietly accepting what he undoubtedly took as rejection plain and simple. He was looking out the window at the bright stars and moonless night, standing virtually lifeless. It reminded him of the first night he had come here . . . so long ago.

"You need a haircut."

"Excuse me?" The statement caught him off guard, so commonplace after his "profound" revelation.

"You need a haircut." Kira was standing complacently enough in the doorway of the bedroom, arms crossed in front of her in what she realized as a stance of determination and stubbornness -- in effect, a challenge.

"I . . . I haven't had the time, what with my crops and all," he fumbled.

"Well then, sit down and tell me where your scissors are," Kira ordered, taking a step forward and lowering her arms.

"Scissors?"

"Oh, never mind. I always carry a pair with me." The look of perplexity only intensified on Odo's face. "Don't ask; it's a long story." Kira retrieved her scissors and a comb. "Okay, Odo. The one key thing to getting your hair cut it to relax. Okay?" She led him to the chair and gently forced him to sit.

"Okay." Tense shoulders loosened up slightly and Kira chopped off the ponytail.

"Now," she said as she started trimming here and there, "I hope you trust me."

"Explicitly."

It was one of the most silent haircuts Kira had ever given. Casual conversation seemed to be an endangered species, the tension between the two building as they silently questioned the other's motives. When she was finally done, she fluffed out his hair and tried to ignore the tingling in her fingers as she brushed against the warm flesh.

"Oops, there's some hair stuck on your shoulders. I always forget the towel. Hang on." She tried to brush it off with her hands, but she could hardly control her fingers. Perhaps just a puff of air would blow them off.

Odo stood up so suddenly that Kira had to jump back not to get knocked over as the chair seemed to flee from him as well. She could see clenched fists, tense muscles, and wondered exactly what was going on.

"Odo?" she asked cautiously after a moment.

He spun to face her, eyes ablaze with frustration, love, desire, and passion. "Nerys, I can't take it any longer. I left the station because I was in love with you and I couldn't stand seeing you with other people. I don't need to put myself through that torture again. I need to know how you feel or I need you to leave now."

"I . . ." The emotion pouring through his eyes was too much; it held her mind jumbled. "I don't know how I feel, Odo. I just ..."

"Then leave." They were the hardest two words he had ever spoken. All he wanted to do was have her all to himself, to make her feel the way he felt, but he knew that wasn't the way. He had waited years; he could wait longer. But how much longer? You're not as infallible now as you once were. You didn't have the hormones coursing through your blood then as you do now. How long can you wait? He shut his eyes. He couldn't watch her leave. He heard her every movement as she picked up her bag and walked over to the door. But, he never heard it open. In its place came a soft sobbing and he carefully turned to look at her.

She was standing in front of the door, one hand on the handle, ready to leave, ready to shatter his world once more. But it was as if she was frozen in place.

It's no use, Nerys. Not until you can see what's right in front of you, the voice echoed in her head.

"Nerys . . ." Odo placed a hand on her shoulder, breaking her catatonic-like state. She spun, dropping her bag, right into his arms, sobbing like a child.

"Shh, Nerys," Odo said as he tried to calm her, perplexed by her reaction. "Shh, it's okay."

"Don't ever leave me." The barely audible whisper came as an end to the tears, the tone making it almost a threat, and she clung even tighter to him.

Odo had to smile, instinctual happiness overcoming him. But indecision still weighed heavily on his mind. "Nerys," he said, prying her away from him gently so he could look her in the eyes. "Nerys?"

"I've missed you so much, Odo. I've been driving myself mad these past six months waiting for you to come back. But you never did." She lifted her head and looked into his eyes, the path before her clear and sure. "I've never felt worse than I have the past six months. I never want you to leave me again . . ." She had thought it would be hard to say these words again to someone she would have to chance losing, but as she met the trusting, familiar eyes of her best friend, she also knew that they were the eyes of the man she loved. "You own my soul, my spirit, my pagh, and my heart. I'm in love with you, too."

Odo doubted her for an instance, but that's all it was. Actually, it lasted exactly as long as it took for him to pull her close and for their lips to meet.

Electric energy surged once again and clothing was suddenly the only thing in the way. They both managed to solve that problem and stumbled back into the bedroom, flopping unceremoniously onto the bed.

Kira herself was ecstatic. She had her friend back and the hole in her heart was no longer empty. She traced the smooth contours of his face, lines and curves she had begun to think she would never see again. She traced down his neck to his collar bone and stroked his shoulders as he nestled in closer, trying to learn every inch. She could feel that he was ready but he was making no move. Her aching hips pressed into his, trying to hint that she wasn't exactly opposed to the idea, if he hadn't quite gotten that impression already. But he had waited through over six months of hormones; he could wait a little longer.

His face betrayed little of the passion, love, and joy Odo was feeling. He moved to gain a better vantage point but, as he did so, Kira grabbed his hips, forcing him to rub up against her. The simple contact was enough, and soon he was moving his hips closer, skin threatening to infuse itself into skin. His hormones took over and guided his body, somehow knowing exactly what to do.

They were one and yet with each thrust, they pounded together, years of frustration going into each movement. How many times had this situation run through their minds? How long, as friends, had they longed to be lovers? How long had they been unwitting slaves to conscious, analytical and logical thought? Flesh burned with desire and sweated with exertion. Eyes locked and tongues clashed as an understanding was reached, as inhibitions melted away. Screams echoed and moans reverberated. Passion was transformed into liquid energy and then, with the rising sun to greet them, they came in a moment that bonded them together as their friendship never had been able to.

Odo collapsed onto Kira, unprepared for the physical toll. Even tilling the crops had not consumed so much energy! But, then again, tilling crops did not involve much emotion or -- involvement. He nuzzled her neck, placing kisses down her collar bone. He took in everything: her smell, the way the sun just managed to set her hair aglow, the way she felt beneath him, the soft murmurs she made when he stroked her here or tickled her there . . .

"Odo!" Kira playfully slapped him. "That tickles and you know it!"

A mischievous grin spread on his face. "Well, I'd better make a full investigation then."

"Odo . . . Odo, you wouldn't." A look of panicked desperation crossed Kira's face.

"Wouldn't I?" Hands started wandering, slightly roughened and callused hands, barely touching sensitive skin and soon Kira was laughing hysterically.

"Do you want me to stop?" he asked, languidly tickling her abdomen.

"No," Kira breathed as she shook her head emphatically despite her laughter. The touch was too erotic, too sensual to ask him to stop and yet, at the same time it was getting harder and harder to breath.

Odo finally stopped and started tracing lazy circles on her body . . . and Odo's analytical mind started to doubt.

Kira noticed his eyes cloud over and his attention wander. She held one hand in hers while she brushed the hair from in front of his face comfortingly. "Odo, what is it?"

"This . . . this isn't right. You aren't really in love with me." His eyes were locked on the crest of the mountains just visible in the distance under the fire of the rising sun.

"Trust me, Odo; I don't go around telling people that I'm in love with them unless I'm positive about it." Odo raised an eyebrow to the rather off-handed comment. "You know what I mean, and you should also know that I mean what I say." Truth filled her voice as she tried to convince him.

"It's just hard for me to believe that this is real."

"Well, fine. You go on not believing until we get married. Then maybe you'll believe it."

"Are . . . are you proposing?" There was uncertainty and hope mixed in with the protective sarcasm.

"Well . . . yes, I suppose I am. Odo, will you marry me?"

"Can I think on it?" he said after a moment.

"Do you need to?" Kira asked with a laugh, but worry started to cloud her smiling eyes as he hesitated.

"I . . ." Odo paused. A million thoughts were running through his mind. What would they do? Live on the station or here? Both meant as much to him now. Could he get his job back? Did he want his job back? Could their marriage work while one of them outranked the other? How would their friends react? All these thoughts ran through his head in a split second, and he was about to answer when the thought that this could be his only chance, that he would be risking losing her, won.

"No, I don't need anymore time. Too much time has already been wasted as it is. There is nothing I want more in this universe than to have you with me forever."

"So, is that a yes?"

"If it isn't, then Ferengis don't believe in profit."

"Well, as long as you're committed for eternity . . ." She moved her arms in around his midsection, begging complete contact once again

"What would you say to an early honeymoon, Nerys?"

"I do."

(-|-)

"We are home/We are where we shall be forever/Trust in me for you know I won't/Run away/From today this is all that I need/And all that I need to say/Don't you know how you've changed me?/Strange how I finally see/I found home/You're my home/Stay with me."

-Belle, "Transformation," Beauty and the Beast (still the Broadway one)

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