Everyday

by Elisabeth Pinto

I got lost, couldn't find my way
and I guess there's nothing more to say
love can make you blind, make you act so strange
but I'm here, and here I will stay.

So everyday I cry
yes everyday I fall
Do you ever wonder why,why I love everything about you.

But everyday I say I'll try to make my heart be still
'til then every way there is to cry, ourselves to sleep we will

It picked me up, knocked me off my feet
I've got no way to explain
still I love you, love you but this fire inside
will never see the light of day

So everyday goes by
and everyday I fall.
It makes me wonder why,
my life's worth nothing without you.

The book closes and we try to forget
but I know that things won't change
how we feel, how life goes on
and that seems so strange

And so the light fades away
try, try, try as I may
I can't stop thinking about you
it seems my life's worth nothing without you

But everyday I say I'll try to make my heart be still
'til then every way there is to cry ourselves to sleep we will

Everyday, everyday, you know I try so hard
Everyday, everyday, it gets a little harder
Phil Collins "Everyday"

The water was warm and still. Odo couldn't see the bottom because it was nighttime, but the moon's bright reflection allowed him to see around him. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, pushing himself off the edge of the pool. The liquid felt soft on his skin as he glided across it and cut a smooth, straight line in easy strokes.

He gritted his teeth, dove underwater. The subdued chattering of the night faded in his ears. Odo opened his eyes; even with goggles, he couldn't see much. That did not matter to him. He only wanted to feel the lightness of his body, that wonderful weightless sensation. He grabbed at the water, catching nothing. He closed his eyes again, and he could feel it flowing around him, underneath him, cradling him gently.

No shape, no taste, no texture. Please...

His lungs were hurting and Odo didn't care. His body wanted him to open his mouth, to scream for air, but Odo had never liked his body. He had never wanted it in the first place. Like so many things in his life, it had been forced on him. He hated his human body. Eating, sleeping, sweating; there were only restrictions. Odo spent all his waking moments taking care of the damn thing.

Then Odo heard her voice ringing in his ears, and he saw her image within his eyelids, and she was telling him she loved him, she was telling him to hang on and she was motioning him up, where the air was.

Air!

Odo shook his head and kicked his way back to the surface. He managed to reach the small steps to his left and he dragged himself up out of the pool. His heart was pounding and his cheat heaved up and down so hard that he thought his ribcage would break. He lay down and kept his eyes closed until the dizzy feeling went away and he had caught his breath.

He had almost killed himself and he had failed. Odo sat up and sighed. When he had been a shapeshifter, he had hoped to find his people. When that hope had become reality, it had only brought him disappointment. He had put that behind him with the hope of building something with Kira Nerys and when that hope bad been crushed, he had thought he still had his job.

Then the Founders took the only thing he had ever been able to depend on--they had taken his shapeshifting abilities and, along with it, his soul. Odo had believed that things could not get worse. For a while, it didn't. For a while, it got better. Aroya had come to love him, and he had come to love her.

Filthy Klingons.

Odo grimaced at the racist thought, but he was too angry to be sorry for it. It was Klingons who had killed her and they had snuffed love out of his life. The anger left. In its place, there was a sharp pain in his stomach, a sudden emptiness. His guts tightened but he wasn't surprised by the feeling anymore. Tears, burning hot, dribbled down his cheeks and neck. He let them go but his reflection in the water was stone-faced and cold. Unforgiving.

"Computer, end program."

The moon, stars and pool winked out. Odo changed into his uniform, picked up his off-duty clothes and left.

~~~~~

Lieutenant-Commander Jadzia Dax smiled at the little boy on O'Brien's shoulders. The boy giggled and waved and led his father on to some hill of his imagination.

"He's the cutest thing, isn't he?" She asked.

Major Kira Nerys smiled. "He is that," she replied. "I wonder what he'll end up looking like."

Dax considered the three year-old's face. Not unlike his older sister Molly, Ian O'Brien's face was not quite Japanese, not quite Irish. His hair was dark and wild, as if it couldn't decide on being straight or curly. His chubby cheeks were definitely his father's.

"It was a beautiful earring you got him, Nerys. It's a nice present."

"I gave birth to him," Kira said. "To me, he's half-Bajoran. The Prophets will be with him that way"

Ian, laughing, got off his father's shoulders and trotted to his mother.

"Come on, everyone!" Keiko O'Brien called. "It's time for the cake!"

Half a dozen children stumbled noisily past Kira and Dax. Ian's pre-school friends included a Bolean and two Bajorans, but they all liked Terran chocolate. In fact, Kira mused, Terran chocolate was one of the most favorite universal food around. As far as she knew, only the Cardassians didn't like it.

The birthday party went on for another two hours, by the end of which Chief O'Brien, as he did every year, swore never to have another one. Exhausted but happy only as a father can be, he put Ian to bed early and returned to the living-room with a limp.

"What's wrong, Miles?"

"Nothing. Apart from carrying around the kids all day," he answered his wife with a sigh. "Dax, Nerys...thanks for your help."

"No problem, Chief."

"He's getting older faster every year," Kira commented. "I can't believe it's already been three years."

"Neither can Miles, I think" Keiko turned to a flat, wrapped package on the coffee table that Kira had thought Ian had forgotten to open. "This is for you, Nerys."

"Me?"

"Yes."

Kira took the present and opened it. It was an old wooden box, delicately carved. She recognized the writing on it to be from Keiko's native land, Japan. Probably from long before the Federation was created.

"Open the box," Keiko urged. The Bajoran complied. The inside of the box was purple silk and the light of the O'Brien's quarters sparkled on the thousand creases and folds of the fabric. Resting on the silk was a dark, round object that was carved as well.

She looked at it more closely. There was the same Japanese writing and an elaborate pattern of lines and circles gave the object an exotic beauty that mesmerized Kira's imagination. "It's beautiful," she murmured. "What is it?"

"Back in ancient Earth, when the rest of the world had just discovered Japan, it was my family's seal. They were samurai, or warriors."

"I can't accept this," Kira protested. "This is your family's history. It's probably priceless!"

Keiko gently squeezed Kira's hand. "You gave life to our son, Nerys. You carried him, fed him, took care of him. Our families are joined together now. Forever."

Kira blinked. O'Brien nodded encouragingly. "Thank you," she finally uttered. "I don't know what to say besides that."

"Then don't," Keiko said cheerfully. "Now go away. I have some things to clean up." She stopped Kira from even trying. "Alone. Go, go."

Kira thanked her again and said her good-byes, followed by Dax, and they headed for a last raktajino at the Replimat.

"So, what do you think?"

Kira chuckled. "Jadzia, I don't know. Are you attracted to him?"

"Yes. But that doesn't mean I should actually date him."

"All right, then. What does Dax think of it?"

"Dax thinks I should go for it. But I don't trust Curzon when it comes to dating. As for my other hosts...well, it's not their bodies. I still don't know."

"I would have never thought I'd see you agonize over a possible date."

"Why not?"

"Well, you're the one who takes me to all those romance programs and even locked me in with the more erotic version of Camelot."

Dax laughed. "I'll never forget the look on your face when you got out. Your face was redder than your uniform!"

"And I don't think I'll ever forgive you, either," Kira said. "And anyway, you shouldn't be asking me advice about your love life."

"Why? Because you don't have one?"

"Thanks a lot." She chuckled. "Maybe I should date that Andorian guy if you don't."

"I'm not sure that's wise. A lot of genetic engineering is involved for Bajorans and Andorians to have offspring." Kira looked up to Dax with a start. She should have known Dax would have guessed. "Look, Nerys, I don't see what it is you're worried about. You still have a long while before you. You'll find the right man."

"Yeah, right." She sighed. "It's funny ... When I was in the resistance, the idea of having a family was absurd to me. Then I got this post on the station and it meant so much to me that I didn't even think about it. I wasn't involved with Bareil long enough to consider it. I did with Shakaar, but we all know that was a mistake."

"He wasn't ready for it. I mean, one day, you were his lover and the next you were pregnant with the O'Brien's baby."

"And then I wanted his baby." Kira leaned on the table. "I hadn't had a family since I was twelve, Jadzia. I had forgotten how wonderful it was. Was it so wrong to want one of my own?"

"Of course not." She patted her friend's hand. "Things will work out in time, don't worry." She looked at the clock over the replicator. "I have to go on duty tonight. I'll see you tomorrow in Ops."

"I wouldn't miss it for the world."

Kira had just finished her raktajino when she spotted Odo walking out of the Infirmary, blood on his uniform and heading back to his office. Kira called out his name as she caught up with him. "Odo, what happened?!"

"Hello, Major." He peered down at his uniform. "Someone resisted arrest and broke my nose."

"Ouch."

"You should have seen the other guy."

Kira laughed. "Right." She tapped a finger on his chest. "Constable, you'd better change uniforms. That's an order."

"My shift's over now. I was going to write my report."

"All right." She paused. "Odo, I know what today means to you. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

Kira looked at her friend's locked shoulders and tightened hands and she knew he was lying. She also knew better than pressing him. "Good," she lied back. "I'll see you later, I guess."

Odo nodded. He stared at her back until she disappeared from his field of vision, shaking his head in dismay at the emotions that still turned his heart over.

~~~~~

The smoke--the damn smoke! Odo would never have had any problem with the smoke if he were still a shapeshifter. But now the smoke was filling his human lungs and he coughed, blinking hard as he tried to see what was going on across the Promenade.

Was everyone gone? Was Aroya safe? He heard shouts on the second level, women screaming, men dying. He caught a glimpse of a transporter beam and there was the roar of Klingon soldiers above the sounds of panic.

Then there was another explosion, and Odo thought he'd gone deaf, because now he couldn't hear a thing. Aroya! He had to find her! Where was she? Probably up there still, she's so stubborn, she wouldn't leave right away, where was the damn turbolift?

Odo wondered briefly whether he had lost a limb, because he could hardly move. He didn't want to know and struggled against something that was holding him down, squeezing his heart. Helpless...and scared to death, fear that shook his bones and strangled him....because he already knew.

Somehow, he fought off one Klingon and killed another. He crawled to where her cafe stood, calling her name over and over. Her whimper, that was her whimper he'd heard, quick, yes, that's her voice, what's that, it smells, it's sticky, I think it's blood, Prophets, no! Not her blood!

He found her smiling at him. She mouthed a word, Odo, and grazed his cheek with bloody fingers. She had this huge opening in her abdomen and a wide cut on her leg...and so much blood. Odo screamed something, he didn't even know what, and something--Klingon? Had to be-- attacked him. A hiss and a sharp pain and he fell next to Aroya and he thought he was going to die with her and he was happy. Aroya's eyes, loving, reproachful somewhat, fixed on him. He stared back and saw her life slip away with one last breath. The last second she was afraid, and the fear remained in the cold, dead stare...

~~~~~

Odo woke up with a start, panting and disoriented, instinctively looking to his left...but Aroya wasn't sleeping peacefully next to him. Everytime Odo had that dream, he always spent the first seconds thinking it had been a nightmare. But Aroya was gone, and it hadn't been a nightmare, it had been a memory.

He sat up with a look at the clock on the nightstand. Six past one in the morning. Odo got up and took a quick shower to wash off the sweat. He welcomed the coolness on his skin; the temperature in his quarters hadn't changed, but humanoid bodies had ways to react to emotions and memories and Odo felt the heat he remembered during that Klingon attack. The station had been hit hard, many people had died...

He didn't bother to make his bed again, although he knew he wouldn't be going back to sleep. Keeping only his pants on, he put some music on, an old selection Aroya had liked, and sat on the sofa, his eyes closed. After a while, he opened them and he found her picture on a small buffet across the room.

They had been a couple for a year when Odo had asked her to marry him. She had said no--with that sweet, beguiling smile of hers--saying that he wasn't ready. Odo hadn't understood, but had let it pass; after all, he knew she loved him. He loved her, too, and she had made him very happy.

He had even believed that he had stopped loving Kira. After Aroya's death, she had helped him grieve, and he had helped her get over her failed affair with Shakaar and he had soon realized that, if anything, he loved her more than ever. Perhaps Aroya had guessed.

His feelings for Kira didn't matter now. He was used to repressing them, he had quelled any hope he might have had of a relationship and he simply enjoyed her company.

Of course, that might change if Kira had a new lover. Odo didn't trust himself anymore. It had been difficult at first when he was changed, whether it was with Kira or Aroya, not to go into a panic whenever his heart would start pounding if one of them was close. Odo had read the PADDs Dr Bashir had given him about human physiology, the physical reactions to certain stimuli. When he had started to have...dreams of Kira (and dreams in general) he had found it terribly uncomfortable, and the idea that he could have one of those erections while fully awake and in their presence had terrified him.

He sighed now and turned toward the small kitchen. He was starving.

~~~~~

When Kira woke up, at eight past one, her breathing was ragged, adrenaline pumping into her bloodstream. She closed her eyes, reliving the nightmare image by image, and wondered why it had come back to her. She hadn't had nightmares about battles, especially that battle, in a long time. She guessed that it was caused by her recent state of mind, her feeling of loneliness, vulnerability.

Something nagged her from somewhere deep in her pagh. It could be having a family, or even a lover, Kira didn't know, but she was missing out on something, something precious that seemed to be slipping through her fingers.

As usual during those short bouts of self-pity, and especially for the past months, she would think of Odo and crave his companionship. They knew each other so well that Odo didn't even have to say anything; his simple presence, the gentle, patient look on his face, and Kira immediately felt better.

Wondering why she was so sure she'd find him awake, she got up and left for his quarters.

~~~~~

Odo answered the door chime automatically, then looked up sharply when he remembered what time it was. He walked into the living room to see Major Kira enter his quarters cautiously.

"You're not going to wake anybody, Major," Odo said.

Kira, who hadn't seen him, gave a little jump at the sound of his voice, then chuckled. "I'm sorry, Odo. I guess it's over ten years in the Resistance plus three months next to a baby. Cardassians and babies have the most sensitive ears."

"I see."

They stared at each other, each taking in the other's attire. Odo suddenly realized Kira was in half her nightshirt--her bare, pale legs stood out against the crimson of the carpet--and Kira noticed he was only wearing his pants. What's more, his hands were dirty with flour.

She laughed and Odo couldn't help blushing. "What?"

"It's just...here we are, both fully awake in the middle of the night, half-naked--" Odo didn't have to be reminded "--and you're cooking!"

"And?"

"I think it's funny."

"Oh."

Kira smiled. As an afterthought, she asked, "Does it bother you?"

"What?"

"That I'm standing half-naked in your quarters."

Odo felt the rush of blood beneath his waist and turned hastily away. "Not at all, Major," he lied. Not quite a lie; it didn't bother him, but it certainly did something to him. "Please, come on in."

Kira followed Odo into the kitchen he had installed in the guest quarters. After all, he had wryly said to Kira once, it's not as if I'm going to be flooded with visiting relatives.

"Don't worry," she teased. "It was only a two minute walk and a turbolift ride, and there was nobody in the corridors. Your reputation will not be soiled."

"Major, believe me, you could only improve my reputation, if I cared for such things."

"Oooh. That 'old monk' thing?"

"So you've heard that one?"

With a grin, she replied, "Sure I have. A good number of my officers have asked me when you were going to start dating again."

Odo snorted. "I don't need to be rescued."

"I think they just find you attractive."

He turned back to the dough lying on the counter. Trying his best to sound casual about it, he asked, "Do you think I'm attractive?"

"Of course you are, Odo. You're funny, you're intelligent, you're strong. You're charming, when you want to be."

"Hmm."

There were moments when Kira felt an urge to hug or kiss Odo. Odo's innocent question, the shyness behind the arrogance touched her. She wanted to reach out to him, but something held her back. For some reason, she felt it wouldn't be proper. She had no difficulty hugging Chief O'Brien and yet she couldn't bring herself to embrace her best friend.

She decided she would never know,and averted her eyes from his lean, bare back. "What are you making?"

"Pizza."

"Sounds like something I've never heard of. Terran, I bet."

"Good guess." Odo smiled. "Are you hungry?"

"I am." Her stomach growled, right on cue. "I didn't feel like dinner before going to bed, but now I could eat a dozen voles."

"Grab a knife, you can cut the peppers."

"Yessir."

The pizza was made quickly and Kira found it strange-looking, but appetizing. She was a little wary of anything that had cheese on it; Bajor was not exactly a dairy planet. Still, it smelled nice enough.

It wasn't the first time that she had found Odo cooking in the middle of the night--he had privately confided that it helped him to relax. His cooking was like clockwork; precise, skillfully done and very clean. Odo wasted nothing and kept the kitchen sparkling, even half-way through preparing a dish. It was a talent Kira envied.

They didn't speak much while eating-- she had her mouth full all the time. She praised the cook and wondered how Bajor had survived without pizza all these years. She was also slightly intoxicated, but decided not to worry about it. After all, Odo had had at least two more glasses of wine than she did, even if he looked as sober as a tree.

The table cleared and the dished recycled, they moved to the sofa, both tired but secretly unwilling to part company. Odo got up to get Kira a cup of tea and she watched him move to the Replicator. His skin was a soft pastel in the semi-darkness and she was surprised at how much she suddenly wanted to touch it.

Odo's body was lean, almost too thin. His torso was flat, a little rounded, like a child's, but muscles rippled the skin. The constable exercised--he had to work off all those midnight meals--and only someone who hadn't practiced self-defense with him would think he wasn't strong. She had seen him flatten Worf once.

"There you go, Major," he said, handing over the tea.

"Thanks, Odo. And for Prophets' sakes, call me Nerys! We're off duty." It had been difficult to get him to call her Nerys. Constant drilling for about two weeks.

"Sorry. Nerys."

"Much better, Constable." Odo chuckled. "Now, tell me. Are you all right?"

He didn't try to ask what she meant. He knew. One year and one day. Aroya had been dead for one year and one day. "As well as can be. I think it's more self-pity than anything else. I imagine you know the feeling."

Kira nodded. "But it helps, once in a while." She paused. "You must miss her very much."

"I do. She was..." he struggled with the words, "remarkable."

"The first person you love. it's always the hardest." Odo looked at her and simply agreed and she wondered at his blank-faced expression.

"So, what's keeping you awake?" was what he said.

"I dreamt of the attack, as well. When I...went down to the Promenade and found you."

"When you saved my life." He paused. "I could see how it would turn out to be a nightmare." Kira grimaced at him. "It's incredible how humanoid bodies remember things. When I woke up, for a few seconds, I was there again, sweaty, hot and completely lost."

"I know what you mean. When I saw you that day...and all the blood...and I thought you were dead."

She shivered, feeling for one brief second the horror, the despair she had gone through that day. They were losing the station at the time and she had decided she was going to die as well when she had seen Odo's body slumped on the floor. She seemed deep in thought for a minute.

"It's strange how..." she murmured.

"How ... ?" Odo encouraged.

"Well, I think about...about Bareil and Shakaar, and everything that's happened in your life with the Dominion, and in mine with Ian and it occurred to me that through it all, you were there for me."

"And you were there for me, too."

"And I realize that I expect you to be always here with me."

"That's what friends are for, Ma- Nerys."

"Maybe it's destiny," she mused.

"What do you mean?"

"The two of us ending up together." Kira raised her glance to meet Odo's as the implication of what she had just said sank in. She was surprised by the longing in his eyes, and how much it reflected her own, and she caught a glimpse of an answer there. If only she knew what the question was...

"I don't believe in destiny," Odo mumbled. "I only believe in bad timing."

Kira laughed, a little too hard, and Odo joined her. They became hysterical, to the point where they were desperate for breath. It didn't feel as bad as crying and perhaps crying explained the tears in their eyes better than the laughter.

When they had finally stopped and could breathe again, they remained silent a moment.

"Together?" Kira finally proposed, raising her near empty cup.

"Together," Odo answered, and he meant it.

"Forever."

"Forever."

A childish oath, Kira thought, and yet she knew she would die rather than break it, and she know Odo would, too. It had been building up for a while, things she had wanted to say to him. It could have been that it reached saturation point, or it could have been the alcohol, but it came out naturally and Kira didn't try to stop it.

"I love you, Odo."

Odo stared at her and she blushed, embarrassed that she might have embarrassed him. A little smile crept up on his lips, despite the sadness Kira read on his face. "I love you, too."

Silence again. Kira wondered if she was really going to cry after all.

"I think that we should go to bed."

He winced at the words and was grateful that Kira pretended she hadn't seen any other meaning in them.

"You're right." She rose, stretching and yawning. "Thanks for dinner. Or breakfast, I'm not sure which."

"Thanks for the company," Odo replied. "Do you feel all right walking home?"

"Oh yes. Security's great on this station." She winked at him.

He walked with her the two steps to the door and he sensed--the way only Humanoids did, he had come to think--that he could kiss her right there and take her to his bed and make love to her as he had always wanted, and she wouldn't say no. But it wouldn't be for the right reasons. And she knows it, too.

"Good night, Odo."

"Good night, Nerys."

~~~~~

Quark looked at the white liquid with disgust. The smell was even worse and the Ferengi couldn't understand how anyone could swallow something that smelled so stale and rancid.

"I'm waiting," Odo said with a tap on his shoulder.

Quark poured the liquid into a tall glass and set it in front of Odo. "There you go, Constable. One glass of milk." He leaned forward. "Go easy on that stuff, will you? It's my best vintage."

"Spare me the humor, Quark. I'm a paying customer."

"Oh, yeah. Nagus knows where I would be without your patronage." He shook his head. "Do you know where that comes from?" he said with a finger pointed at the bottle. "Some kind of multi-colored, big animal with hardly any legs or head, with horns sticking out on the side, that smells and is swamped with flies all day."

"That would just about describe you," Odo retorted. "Besides, this milk didn't come from a cow, but from your replicator." He sniffed at it. "And I can guarantee you that I can tell the difference."

"I don't care. Milk is even worse than root beer." Odo rolled his eyes in a way that pointedly advised the Ferengi to get a life. Annoyed, Quark went for a cheap shot. "If you're waiting for Kira, she still has twenty minutes to go in that holosuite."

Odo lowered his glass. "And what makes you think I'm waiting for her?"

"Because that's what you always do when you come in here. You're either waiting for her to get done with her holosuite program--"

"We have a staff meeting scheduled."

"--or you're waiting for her for dinner, or a last drink. And every time, you drink milk. When you're here for other business, you have orange juice. If you ask me, and to quote something I learned from Dr Bashir, I think it's Freudian."

"What?"

"Freudian. Freud was the founder of hew-mon psychology."

"My body's human, Quark, not my mind. What's your point?"

"You'd be surprised how his theories apply to different species, but to go back to the milk--milk is supposed to be for babies."

"And?"

"It comes from a female's breasts. By drinking milk before you see her, you're only expressing your desire to fondle--"

Odo grabbed him by his collar and Quark suddenly realized he might have gone too far with the constable.

"Quark..." he growled. He left the threat unspoken and it was enough. Quark swallowed.

"Fine, fine." Odo dropped him back behind the bar. "I was just making conversation, for profits' sake!" He left him alone to attend to another customer, but was back quickly, to Odo's chagrin. "You and Kira are unbelievable, you know."

"How so?" Odo asked.

"You should be married by now!"

Odo tried to ignore people's stares on him after Quark's exclamation. "Quark, I really don't feel like discussing this in here, or with you."

The Ferengi leaned forward to Odo's side. "I don't understand you, Odo. Kira isn't involved with anyone. You're not a Changeling anymore, so that's not the problem. I see you everywhere together. Everybody has you two married already."

"Well," he said in a low voice, "I never cared for what everybody thinks."

Quark sighed and took a step back. "Truth is, Odo, you're a coward." Odo's eyes shot up to meet with his. He held the constable's gaze without a flinch and calmly went on. "Your being a Changeling...what a convenient excuse! As if that would make a difference to Kira. Now, what is it? You're friends, you don't want to ruin that friendship? No, that won't do it. I know you, and I'm sorry for the lousy life you've had, but you're a coward. You don't want to take the risks love involves...how can you expect to reap the benefits?"

"Ah, the wells of Ferengi wisdom!"

"That's an oxymoron, if I ever heard one," Kira's voice remarked. Odo turned to find her at his elbow.

"I thought you had twenty more minutes," Odo said rather harshly. The prospect that she might have heard anything from his conversation with the Ferengi brought him close to a cold sweat.

"I finished early. Is that a problem?"

"No, of course not." He finished his drink with one last glare for Quark. "Let's go."

Quark shrugged. He had always believed Humons were uncomprehensible, but Odo was probably the one man Quark would never understand. He wondered if maybe there was a pool to be made out of this. People--even the goody-goody Federation officers--loved gossip and rumors, especially when it had to do with the officers in charge of the station.

Working out the odds and the bet in his head, Quark joined Morn for a drink and one juicy lie with a Ferengi twist.

~~~~~

Captain Benjamin Sisko picked up the PADD in front of him and activated it. "The Cardassian government has informed Bajor they will return all Bajoran religious artifacts Central Command had taken." Kira's beaming smile was contagious and Sisko grinned. "Congratulations, Major."

"What are the specific items?" Dax asked.

"There are too many of them to go through the whole list," Sisko replied. "However, there is one thing more interesting than others. It's a book of prophecies, bound by hand and whose leather cover was crafted by none other than Kira Odel." All eyes turned to Kira. "Does that sound familiar, Major?"

"Odel was my great-great-grand-father," she said. Kira clutched the PADD in her hands in an effort not to jump out of her chair. "He was known to create beautiful book covers. I thought the Cardassians had sold all of his work."

"They sold most of it, but it looks like they kept one for themselves. Needless to say, it's a priceless piece of Bajoran history now. The last Kira Odel book."

"Prophets," Kira murmured.

"The artifacts will stay on the station for three weeks, to allow the Bajorans living here to get a good look. It is also a symbolic gesture of transition. Perhaps the one that will allow us to say that Cardassia and Bajor are at peace."

"And the best opportunity to steal them," Odo remarked.

"Exactly," Sisko said. "The transport ship will arrive in a week. You have that amount of time to get the station ready."

Odo returned to his office right away. He had a week, but in Odo's perfectionist mind, all the time in the universe would never be enough to make DS Nine completely secure and foolproof. Not unless he was given carte blanche.

"Sir?"

Odo looked up to the young man. "What can I do for you?"

"I'm done with the reports you asked. Is there anything else I can do?"

Odo considered the Starflect lieutenant. The man was slightly taller than Odo and very handsome with his clean face and straight jaw. His hair was black and his eyes dark brown. He could have looked tough, but he was too eager and still too youthful for that. Odo liked him, he seemed to be a competent officer and, most of all, he had been on the station for two weeks and had never called him 'constable'.

"No, I don't believe you can. Just enter your reports and you're off duty."

The lieutenant was almost done when Kira walked in, whipping the air playfully with a racket. She went straight to the seat that faced Odo at his desk.

"Constable, aren't you off duty?"

"I am, Major, but I wanted to get started on the forthcoming transport."

Kira giggled and for a second Odo thought she'd been drinking. "I'm sorry, Odo, it's just...this is incredible, you know."

"I know. That's why I wanted to--

" "It's not quite what I meant. I thought I had lost everything that was ever my family. And now this." She straightened up. "Fancy some racket ball?"

"Major, we both know what happened the last time I tried."

"Odo! You shouldn't let one broken arm put you down."

He winced at the memory and seemed to remember that his officer was still here. "Major Kira, this is Lieutenant Simon Parker. Mr. Parker, Major Kira Nerys." Kira rose to shake his hand. "I'm sorry, Lieutenant, I barged in and I didn't see you."

"That's all right, Major." He shifted on his feet. "Uh...Major, if you need someone to play racketball with, I'd like to join you. I haven't played in a while and I miss it."

"You do? That's great." She smiled at Odo. "Looks like I've found myself a partner after all. I'll see you later, then."

Her friend nodded and watched than leave. He called up schematics of the station and took only a few notes at first, before he became so engrossed in his work that three hours had passed when his stomach grumbled loudly enough that it broke Odo's concentration. He asked the Replicator for a sandwich and ate at his desk.

Odo let himself think about the previous night. He had felt more at peace with himself than he had in a long time. A soft smile creased his face. They had talked and laughed in the middle of the night, when the station was silent and asleep, when it had felt like the universe itself was standing still. Odo and Kira had been awake, alone in that universe, but together. For a few hours, there had been no Dominion, no Prophets and no past, but only Kira sitting across from him on the carpet, warm and alive, and all he needed.

He suddenly wanted to talk to her. She was probably done with playing racketball by now; perhaps he could pick up some flowers and that book he had been recommending to her for weeks, and they could talk about it for a while. Or they could do nothing but be together. I don't care what I do, as long as I do it with her.

Kira was not in her quarters. Odo called Ops and she wasn't there, either. He strode briskly back to Quark's and asked the Ferengi if he had seen her. He didn't seem to hear him and Odo had to ask him again.

"Yeah, I have." Came the oddly breezy answer. He served two cocktails to a Bajoran couple and was on his way to deal with another customer when Odo stopped him.

"Quark, answer me, I don't have forever."

Quark finally looked back at him and it struck him that, for all his cynicism, Odo was an innocent of heart. A self-righteous fool, he amended. Wasting his life pining for a female instead of courting her... "Do you know where she is?"

Quark only lied when it was profitable to him. He would gain nothing by lying to the constable, but a very irritated man. "She came in with that Starfleet lieutenant of yours and they had dinner, and they drank quite a lot, and then they left."

"They left."

"That's what I said."

"Together?" Quark nodded. "How long ago?"

"About an hour. Kira's probably sound asleep by now, I wouldn't wake her if I were you, otherwise she'll be in one those moods that--"

"Don't patronize me, Quark. She's not in her quarters."

The Ferengi looked away. "Well, maybe..." His voice trailed off. Odo had never bought comforting lies, so he decided not to try and offer one. He was almost sorry he didn't make the effort.

"It's funny, isn't it?" Odo finally murmured, sounding incredibly weary. "You'd think after all those years..." He blinked. "Good night, Quark."

"Constable."

Odo left and Ensign Lewis slid on his seat. "So what's up with him? Any good tip?"

Quark stared at him with the uncomprehensible urge to clobber the man.

"Shut up, Lewis," he muttered.

~~~~~

When Kira spotted Odo on the Promenade the next day, she invited him to share the lunch she was having with Dax. Odo agreed, a little curtly Kira thought. He ordered a sandwich again, and then only had one bite. He listened, on and off, to the two women's conversation, struggling to keep himself out of it.

Finally, Kira put down her spoon and took his hand. "Odo, are you all right?"

"I'm fine."

"You don't look like it. You've hardly said or eaten anything. What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I'm not hungry." She peered at him with a frown. He finally admitted, "I heard you went to Quark's after your racket ball game yesterday."

"Yes, we did. I wanted to celebrate. Simon introduced me to Tequila."

"Terran liquor," Odo filled in automatically. He was starting to feel Dax's gaze on him. "I don't think that's wise," he said, ignoring the Trill's sudden interest.

"What?" Kira was honestly baffled.

"Drinking with a lower ranking officer." Odo had no idea where the words came from. He tried--at least he thought he did--to stop, but couldn't. "And the rest."

"Excuse me?"

"You know what I'm talking about." He stood up. "I need to get back to work. Major, Dax,"

Kira stared after him, her mouth half-open. "What was that all about?" she asked her friend angrily. "What does he mean 'the rest?'"

Dax shrugged. "I believe he thinks you slept with Simon."

"What?"

"Well, you were seen drinking at Quark's, and you were also seen leaving with him rather happily and we both know you weren't in your quarters last night. I can see how one might interpret this information."

"Jadzia, that's ridiculous! Why would Odo think I'd do something like this?"

"I wouldn't know."

Kira sighed, giving up on the matter for now. "I've got to be back in Ops. Thanks for lunch."

"You're welcome." Dax waited until Kira was out of sight and headed for Odo's office.

He made a point of ignoring her as she entered, keeping his back turned to the doors.

"That was interesting."

"I'm glad you enjoyed it," he grumbled.

"You can do better than this, Odo," she went on. "Quite frankly, the problem right now is with you."

He swiveled his chair around. "Really? Enlighten me, please."

"She could be in your arms if you bothered to try."

"What is this, a conspiracy?" He dropped his PADD on the desk. "First Quark, now you. Are you going to tell me I'm coward, too? Because I don't care what you think, and I don't care what anybody thinks. If I need help, I'll ask for it!"

Dax crossed her arms. "You do need help, and we both know you won't ask for it."

"If you think I'm going to see Counsellor--"

"I wasn't thinking about that kind of help, at least not yet." She leaned on the desk and there was a glimpse of Curzon in her eyes. "Let's not pretend we don't know what's going on here. Tell her how you feel, or get on with your life."

Odo sighed. "I've heard that before."

"Then you must be the stubborn type. Look, Odo, people care about you. Something's eating you up slowly and you deserve better than being alone. Do you want to know what happened last night?" He said nothing. "Kira had a few drinks with Simon, and she was a little tipsy, and she did leave the bar with him. She was going home and Simon was merely being polite by accompanying her. We met on the Promenade and went back to my quarters, where we talked for about two hours, and drank some more, and she fell asleep on my couch. That's where she was, Odo."

He looked away. "Then what do you think I should do?"

"Apologize before she begins to think you're jealous," she teased.

"Perhaps I should." But he rose with a suddenly angry look on his face. Dax frowned.

"Where are you going?"

"To kill Quark."

~~~~~

Quark didn't die that day, but only because he gave Odo five free hours in his holosuites. Satisfied with the Ferengi's grovelling, he spent the rest of the day preparing himself for the evening that was to come.

Clutching the flowers he had meant for her yesterday, he rung her door chimes and prepared as if for the mouth of Hell to open before him.

"Come!" The doors hissed open and Odo walked in. Kira waved at him from her console. "I'll be right with you, Odo." He watched her download some data and save it. She smiled. "Are the flowers for me?" Odo nodded. "It's fascinating how alike men of all races are."

"What do you mean?"

"Bajoran men also say sorry with flowers."

"Right. Well, I think I should say it with words anyway. I'm sorry, Nerys."

"That's all right." She took the flowers from him and replicated a vase. "But what was with you, Odo?"

"I...I was worried about what people might think." Kira leaned back on her console. "And there's something else."

"What is it?"

"I'm not sure how to say this. I've given it a lot of thought."

"Go on."

Odo took a deep breath--he had the strangest feeling of deja-vu--and plunged his gaze into hers. "I have... feelings for you, feelings that go beyond friendship." Kira's eyes widened. "I suppose one might even say I'm in love with you."

There was a long silence. Kira opened her mouth and closed it, only to open it again.

"Odo...," she managed to breathe. "I...I didn't know."

"I worked hard at hiding it." He felt suddenly sick and cold. His hands trembled behind his back. "I think I should leave." He turned to the doors.

"Wait, Odo. Look, I don't...I'm not sure--" She paused and closed her eyes, willing her mind to create a coherent sentence. "This is something I need to think about."

"Of course." He looked down. "I didn't mean to upset you. I just thought it was something you should know." Kira nodded. "I hope we can still be friends." She nodded again. "I'll leave, then. Good night, Major."

He left and Kira sank to her chair. "Prophets. Sweet singing Prophets." She stuck her hands in her hair. A thousand questions popped in her mind and no answers came.

She shot to her feet and began pacing, twining and untwining her fingers. Kira Nerys was an ex-terrorist and now a Major in the Bajoran armed forces; she had fought Cardassians, Klingons and Jem'Hadar soldiers. She had always been good with a weapon, but she was hopeless when it came to her soul.

It was a while before she was able to sleep, but it provided no rest as the nightmares returned.

~~~~~

The Promenade was in ruins. Kira groped around the bodies, lying low below the smoke. She could hear screams and phaser shots somewhere but didn't see anything. She was hot and sweating and dirty with the blood of her comrades; her eyes were watery from the fumes. She crossed Quark's Place--it was in shambles and stinking of death already--and found the stairs and made her way up.

Kira could see better on the second level and she ran straight to the Celestial Cafe. She shouted his name in her comm badge, above the rumbling of Klingon warrior's boots. She saw a Klingon hunched over someone. He straightened and lifted his bat'leth. Kira fired, cursing in Bajoran. The Klingon fell to the ground in convulsions, beside his prey--Odo .

She dropped to her knees beside him. He had a long cut across his abdomen and was bleeding heavily. Sobbing, she untangled his hand from Aroya's. The woman, his lover, was dead. She had been a friend to Kira as well, and now...Kira closed her staring eyes. Then she gripped Odo's underarms and pulled, but couldn't move him.

Now there was no strength in her arms anymore, and only fear in her heart. Odo slipped from her hands, she reached out to grab him, but failed. She tried to move, to stop what was happening, but Odo was gone. And then there was no noise, and not even the sound of her wordless scream...

~~~~~

Kira woke up with a shout. Blood thumped against her temple. But there were no corpses or smoke and she recognized her room with a sigh. The panic receded, leaving a dull headache.

In reality, she had been able to beam Odo to sickbay. No mysterious force had dragged him away and she had not even cried. At times she felt as if she knew she was dreaming, but was actually crying for another pain--the pain of death and being alone.

It had been the bloodiest battle ever fought on Deep Space Nine and easily the most gruesome for Kira. And she had thought she had seen everything.

As usual after such a nightmare, she asked herself why she had dreamt it. It was probably all a matter of mood. The remembrance service hadn't helped, either...and then there was Odo.

The image of his body bathed in blood flashed in her mind and she shivered and she wondered why every time she had the time to think about something else than work, she would think about Odo and what he was doing.

Maybe I am in love with him, too. He's always been there for me, he understands me. He certainly is the most important person in my life right now. But what if it doesn't work? I thought there was something between me and Shakaar and look where that got me! If anything, there are even less secrets between me and Odo.

Kira sighed. She wasn't sure what the answer was, but she needed to talk to him before she went back to sleep. She didn't want to dream again.

~~~~~

Odo didn't understand. Why had he said anything? Was he going crazy? He would be lucky if Kira ever talked to him again. Yet Odo felt an odd sense of relief, as if he had been dying and was finally told that it wouldn't be much longer. He would have welcomed death with open arms right now, or the station being blown to pieces. Where are the Jem'Hadar, he thought glumly, when you need them?

When he heard the chirp of the door chimes, he called for them to open absent-mindedly.

"Hi, Odo."

Odo spun around as if hit by electricity. "Major! What are you doing here?"

She chuckled. "Nice to see you, too."

"I...I'm sorry, it's not what I meant." He swallowed. "It's a little late, that's all."

"And what are you doing up if it's so late?"

"I...l was thinking."

"About what?"

He might as well tell her the truth. "You."

"Right." She laughed nervously. "I was thinking about you, too."

"Oh."

She moved to sit on the sofa and Odo joined her, choosing to perch himself at the other end. "I had that nightmare again. And it's funny how I always think of you when I need someone to talk to."

"I'm gratified to hear that." Kira nodded. She wasn't cold, but somehow she shivered. Odo tentatively slid closer to her and put his hand on her shoulder. "It's all right, Nerys. It was just a dream."

"I know." She glanced at him. "But you're not."

When she looked away again, he caressed her cheek tenderly, wondering how in the Celestial Temple he dared touching her. Desire, he realized. Prophets, how he wanted her.

Her eyes closed, she brushed her lips to his palm. Odo let his fingers lift her chin and bring her mouth to his. The kiss was hesitant at first, but grew ardent and Kira welcomed Odo's tongue with hers. She seized Odo's face and pressed harder into the kiss, as if her life suddenly depended on it. Her groin tightened at the feel of him.

Odo drew away from her with difficulty. "Nerys," he rasped. "Are you sure this what you want?"

There was no hesitation on Kira's part, not after that kiss. She nodded. "Yes. I need you, Odo."

So he kissed her again and his arms encircled her, strong and comforting. She slipped her hands under his shirt and up his back, delighting at the warmth and softness of his skin. They stood up and staggered to the bedroom as they undressed each other. It was something of a light-hearted struggle, but they were quickly under the sheets, flesh to flesh and heart to heart.

His mouth traveled from her lips to her lobe. He sucked on it delicately, then moved on to nibble at her neck, drawing a moan from Kira. Odo lingered there, feeling it vibrating up her throat, and the life flowing underneath. He certainly knows what he's doing, Kira thought in a daze as he reached her breasts.

Then he came back to her, and she rolled on top of him, caressed his smooth chest and the area below his waist. It was in no need of stimulation, but she fondled him gently, kissing him where his heart was pounding.

When he finally penetrated her, she clutched at his shoulders and with every thrust, she felt her back arching further until she thought it would break. She called Odo's name as her release took her and she went limp in his arms.

He collapsed next to her with a groan a few moments later, drained and spent. After a while, Kira snuggled against him and he looked at her, somewhat bemused.

"Thank you," she whispered.

"You're welcome." His fingers stroked her temple and he took an odd pleasure in feeling the light sheen of sweat on her forehead. He traced the ridges on her nose and her brows, dropped a kiss on her cheek. "I love you, Nerys."

She gazed at him with new tenderness. Kira didn't understand it, but Odo's naked body against hers felt right, perfect--it was the one piece missing from the jigsaw of Kira's life, at last complete to form an answer she could understand: Love. She held him closer, finally free of the nightmares of the past, content in the warmth and safety of his arms.

"I love you, too."

He watched her fall asleep almost with regret as he would have liked nothing better than to talk all night and make love again. He wanted so much to feel her, to know her. You've just made love with her. How much closer can you get? The sex had been wonderful, yes, but not enough. Not enough?

Odo sighed, chiding himself. He was tired, and it had been great, but he wasn't satisfied. To gauge her reaction, to see the ecstacy on her face and her body tense with pleasure--he had liked that. And to be inside her, and the two of them joined as one for a brief moment, linked to one another. That link was all he wanted. Save your strength, he told himself. There's always morning...

There was, indeed, morning, and Kira wondered briefly if she was going to manage to get to Ops without letting go of him...not that his clutches were any less enthusiastic.

After that morning, there was the following night--twice in a row this time. On the third day, they decided to move in together, thus putting an end to any gossip by confirming it. Quark congratulated Odo excitedly, rubbing his hands together extensively and offering them a free dinner. Kira laughed off her lover's suspicion that there had been a pool concerning their relationship. But then Dax bought Garak's most expensive dress, and Kira had to admit that it was a strange coincidence. The Trill denied any involvement, swearing on Curzon's head--a confession in itself.

~~~~~

"Odo, you're simply amazing," Kira purred.

"Really?" He kissed her ear. "How amazing?"

"Incredibly amazing." She ran her hands down his spine and grinned at the goosebumps that rippled his skin. "And I love you."

"Hmm." Odo lapped at her neck. "And how much do you love me?" he teased.

Kira drew his mouth to hers and kissed him fiercely, with all her strength. "More than anything."

Odo smiled. A gentle, wistful smile. "Then I love you more."

She laughed. "I just can't win, can I?"

"No, you can't."

Kira felt his fingers dip between her thighs and caress the tender flesh there. "Damn you, Constable," she moaned happily. "How am I ever going to get anything done in my life if I spend it in bed with you?"

Afterwards, he held her gingerly, cradling her to sleep without a word. She had grown accustomed to it so quickly, that when she woke up later that night and he was gone, she was concerned. Kira groped for her nightshirt under the pillow and slouched toward the living room.

Odo was standing in front of the almond-shaped window, staring at something far ahead. His eyes sparkled in the starlight, and she realized it was because they were filled with tears.

"Odo, are you okay?"

He gave a small jump and blinked, as if coming out of a dream. "Oh. I thought you were asleep."

"I was. Are you okay?"

"Of course, I am." He looked at her, puzzled. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"I don't know, that's why I'm asking. Is something bothering you?" She paused. "Is it us?"

"Do you really think it could be? After the past six nights?

"No, I guess not." She smiled wanly. "I just can't help feeling like...like..." Kira ground to a halt.

"Like...?"

"You give me so much. And I feel like I'm not giving you enough in return."

"Don't say that!" he burst. "Don't ever say that!" Odo grabbed her hands. "I love you, Nerys. You here with me is all I need."

"Then what is the problem?"

"I'm just worried about the artifacts arriving tomorrow, that's all." He released his grip and looked away.

"You're the best there is, Odo. I wouldn't worry."

"Right." He kissed her. "Why don't you go back to sleep?"

"What about you?"

"A few things to think over. I'll be there soon."

"All right." She searched his face, hoping she could read between the lies. It felt like Odo was a thousand light years away. "Good night, sweetheart."

"Good night, Nerys."

Kira disappeared into the bedroom. He sighed and ordered a glass of water from the replicator. What was wrong with him? He loved her. She was his, at last. And yet he felt as if she was out of reach. He wondered what he would have done if he had been a Changeling. For starters, you wouldn't have known what to do. And would she have let you touch her?

It dawned on him that he would never know.

~~~~~

The Cardassian transport ship arrived on schedule. Major Kira was chosen to lead the transfer ceremony. She usually hated ceremonies--apart from religious ones--and hated Cartesian delegations even more so, but they had come to give something of what they had taken from her.

The Book of Prophecies was heavy and thick, the pages wrinkled and yellow. The cover and binding were breathtaking, carved with delicate twirls and figures, and so detailed that Kira's fingertips could feel the individual strands of hair on each person traced on its back.

Kira wanted to shout out her pride, her joy, and all the mixed-up emotions going along with them, but they died in her throat. Sisko, sensing what was going on, stepped forward and began the ceremony with the Emissary's blessing.

"Listen to the words of the Prophets and how they ring in your soul, and take confidence in the fate they shall bestow you, for all knowledge is light, and all light is the Prophets."

The small cortege crossed the Promenade at a leisurely pace, much too slow for Odo's taste. A murmur of appreciation and 'ooos' and 'aaahs' accompanied them into the Bajoran temple. It was a relief when the doors closed behind them and Odo could activate the security fields. Sisko thanked the Cardassians and left with them, while Kira stayed for a prayer with the Vedek. She thought of Bareil briefly and how happy he would have been. How happy he must be. She looked above her shoulder to see Odo standing near the artifacts and the Book, checking the security protocoles with a Starfleet deputy.

Their eyes locked and he gave her an encouraging smile that made her heart flutter. For the first time, Kira believed in utter happiness.

She rose from the altar to open the Book now on display. She thumbed through it--her nose itched from the tiny particles of alien dust exposed to air. It smelled of worn leather and old paper, crisp and dry. Kira finally found the right page, the one which--according to religious historians and theologists--corresponded to their time frame. The Bajoran language hadn't changed that much over the last three hundred years and it had been copied by Odel's wife who had been born, like Kira, in the Dakhur province.

She indulged in informality, laced her fingers with Odo's and read aloud what she understood. "'And the Fallen One shall rise again, and bring Heaven down to him, and share it with his world so the two shall be as one Earth.'" She frowned. "Sounds promising, but I think I'll let the Vedeks interpret that one." She sighed. "Isn't it beautiful?"

"It is. You can be very proud, Nerys."

"I can't believe I belong to a family that could make something like this."

"Perhaps clay wasn't your material."

Kira stifled a laugh. "You're so nice to me, Odo." She propped herself on her toes and whispered, "The only thing I want to get my hands dirty with is you. See you tonight."

Odo nodded. When she was gone, he cleared his throat and turned to his deputy who now sported a grin that spread to his ears. "Come on, Lewis," he grunted, "we have work to do."

~~~~~

The temple opened to the public the following day. Odo had pleaded to Sisko to refuse access to Ferengi, but the Captain had refused.

"Spirituality can only do them good," he had said.

Odo knew the only thing going through their heads in that temple is how much Latinum they could make if they got their slimy claws on the Book. He was there for most of his shifts and went home late, unwilling to face Kira.

She was asleep again when he got there that evening and Odo wondered if she knew. He wanted to see her, and talk to her, but he didn't want to say no to her when she started kissing and caressing him. He didn't understand why--Kira was a wonderful lover, tender, passionate, giving. Thoughts of the long nights they had spent discovering each other blurred his vision for a few moments and he felt the telltale hardening of his member. Yes, he wanted to make love to her, but every time, as he got closer, it would sink away from him.

Closer to what? He did not know, except that it was full of light and promise, deep within him, and that he could not have it.

He sat on the edge of the bed and stared at Kira. She was so lovely, with the soft, auburn waves of her hair, the delicate ridges on heir nose and her slightly parted lips...

Odo began to cry. There were no words that fit the joy and the sorrow. Perhaps the Prophets were real and had laid out his fate long ago, and perhaps he shouldn't have pulled on the delicate shreds of his life. I only want to understand, he begged silently. I love her, and I want her to be happy.

He moved to the bathroom to rinse his face, cursing himself. He could make her happy, that much he knew. That's all he had ever wanted for her. That was something he could do something about.

Odo woke Kira up earlier than usual the next morning and made love to her more fervently than he had so far. Kira's knees were trembling by the end of it and she said nothing while she caught her breath.

"Good morning, Odo," she finally uttered.

"Good morning, Nerys," he replied, kissing her tenderly. "I'm sorry I was late last night."

"I think you've found the best way to apologize." She stretched. "I don't feel like going to Ops today."

"And what would you do?"

"I would have sex with the security chief all day long," she replied wickedly.

"I heard he was quite a man."

"Really?" she teased. "And who told you that?"

"The station's first officer." He frowned. "At least, I think that's what she said. I was sucking her--"

"Oh, Odo," she laughed.

"--when she cried it in my ears."

She gazed up to him. "You have the most beautiful eyes." She kissed his nipple and traveled up to his neck and face. "My Odo, and mine only. Odo, Odo, Odo..."

He closed the admired eyes and drank in the tenderness of Kira's voice as she said his name. Odo...and it didn't mean 'nothing' anymore, it meant 'my love'. Why did he have so many doubts? How could he feel there was something missing?

"I have to go on duty, Nerys." He gently slipped from her arms and got up for a shower.

She whistled to make him turn around. "Cute butt, Constable," she said with a grin.

Odo rolled his eyes and went into the bathroom, draping a towel around his waist in mock modesty. Kira's grin faded and she left the bed as well, hungry for breakfast.

She sipped on the raktajino, listened to her lover move about the room, drying himself, and the soft rustling of clothing against skin.

Kira was confused. She sensed Odo was unhappy; she could see it in his eyes often, when he thought she was asleep and she wasn't. But he made love to her with such passion--it didn't make sense.

Odo had said he was worried over the exhibition, but Kira didn't believe him anymore. She had always trusted him to deal with his demons, as she did herself, and he always had come through all right. But it wasn't the best way to start a relationship.

"It's not the best way to start a relationship," Jadzia Dax commented during their morning exercise session.

Kira sighed. "Tell me about it." She lowered herself onto the hard ground of the holographic cavern. "I'm so glad it was the Cardassians," she groaned.

"Excuse me?"

"Who invaded Bajor," she completed. "I don't know how I would have survived the Klingons without training. My back is killing me."

"Are we getting old?'

"That's easy for you to be flippant about! You'll get a brand new body in a few years."

"A few years!? Try a few--" She grimaced as she realized the teasing. "Touch‚. I guess I deserved that."

"You deserve worse."

"Let's go back to Odo and you, shall we?" she prompted. Kira laughed. "So, what's wrong?"

"I wish I knew, Jadzia. Somehow, I think it has to do with our relationship, and then..."

"Then what?"

"Then he comes and--" she blushed a little "--and I come."

"What do you mean?" Dax asked innocently.

"You know what I mean, you just want to embarrass me."

"If we can't talk about sex, what can we talk about?"

"Well, we could talk about--"

"Absolutely boring. Let's keep it to sex."

Kira sighed. "He's so...tender...and thorough...and..." Her cheeks reddened. "It's very nice."

Dax chuckled. "It sounds like it."

"It is. But I know something's bothering him, and I know it has to do with me." The Trill grew serious. "Why?"

"The way he looks at me sometimes...and the way be doesn't." She shook her head. "I don't know anything anymore."

"I think you need to sit down with him and talk it over. Get it off your chest."

"It's really strange. Before we became lovers, I could have told him anything. And now I can hardly ask him how his day went!"

"You've just begun this relationship, Nerys," Dax said. "You're afraid of hurting each other's feelings, that's all. How long has it been? Almost four weeks? It's a new dynamic for the both of you."

"If something might hurt me, it's bad news, isn't it?"

She shrugged. "Not necessarily. And you're already hurting. You can't go on like this forever." She smiled. "Cheer up, Major! You love him, and he loves you. There's nothing you can't work out."

"Thanks, Jadzia." Kira hauled herself up. "More back-breaking?' she suggested.

"Actually," her friend answered, "I need to get ready for a date."

"A date? Who with?"

"The one we talked about."

"Really? That's great! When did you decide?"

"Over a week ago, but I had to accompany Julian to Tacko Three. The Cardassian flu epidemic?"

"That's one thing the Cardassians gave us. Their flu." She frowned, suddenly feeling her nose tickle as if in response.

"Julian tried to convince me it was a bad idea, but--" Kira sneezed "I told him he could seduce me once I was left heartbroken. Prophets' wishes, Nerys."

"Thanks. I think you brought some of that flu home with you."

"It's possible. You better do something about it before it gets worse."

"I will."

Instead she decided to head for their quarters to rest and let her back relax. Perhaps a relaxing massage and they could talk. But Odo wasn't waiting for her when she reached their new quarters.

She wasn't surprised.

~~~~~

Two more days. The artifacts and the Book were going to be here for two more days and then they would become somebody else's responsibility. Odo was looking forward to more time with Nerys and less things on his mind.

He hovered around the piedestal where the Book of Prophecies lay open. He glanced at it once in a while, curious and skeptical at the same time. Eventually, he decided to get a good look and scanned the page until he found what Nerys had read to him.

And the Fallen one shall rise again, and bring Heaven down to him, and share it with his world, so the two shall be as one Earth...

He read it twice, wondered what wondered what the original writer had been drinking when he had put it down on paper. Odo was an atheist and prophecies disturbed him--everyone was free to interpret them as they preferred and use it to their advantage. Prophecies, in his opinion, had never done anything but confuse people, scare them or blind them to the facts.

And the Fallen One shall rise again, and bring Heaven down to him, and share it with his world, so the two shall be as one Earth...

The words were haunting, true, but only because they held no meaning. That was why Odo's inquisitive mind went over them again and again. It was like having a tune stuck in your head, but Odo only knew a small part of it, and had the rest on the tip of his tongue. So you think you can read Prophecies now, eh? What's next, seeing into the future?

Odo checked the time. His shift had ended over thirty minutes ago. Nerys would be home. Home...

He gave the new Ensign his instructions and left without another glance to the Book.

Kira had put a note on his pillow. "Odo - I think I have the flu. I'm at the Infirmary. Will be back as soon as I can. I love you."

She had been sneezing since yesterday, he thought, and looking tired. If it was the Cardassian flu, she was better off treating it now. When he had first arrived on Terok Nor, he had seen two cases left untreated; Odo still winced at the memory.

He was about to take his uniform off when his comm badge beeped.

"Sir!" Lewis shrieked. "The Book! It's gone!"

~~~~~

Odo sprinted back to the temple. The red alert sirens blared through the station and he met his deputies on the Promenade. He directed them to the docking ring and the cargo holds. Sisko was already talking to Ensign Lewis.

"Lewis, what happened?"

The young man was pale. "I...this Ensign came and said he was supposed to relieve me, but when I wanted to confirm your orders, he hit me from behind. When I could see again, he was gone...and the Book was gone with him."

"Dax has done a complete sensor sweep but nothing came up," Sisko said.

"Nothing?"

"No trace of anybody."

"What about the Book? Can you lock onto it?"

"No, it's far too small. Unless its deadly, the sensors won't pick it up."

Odo scowled. "They can't be off the station already, the tractor beam would have stopped them, and the shields were up, thank God." A million possibilities computed in his mind and he searched for one that was plausible. He snapped his fingers. "Of course! Odo to security teams! Check all jefferies tubes and lock those you don't have time for!"

"Sir," somebody responded, "why--"

"Just do it!"

"Odo, what's going on?" Sisko asked.

"Look." Odo pointed to the narrow mouth on the ceiling of the temple. "That's the way they went, where we were not looking."

"But it's far too small for any man--"

"Unless they could change shape." Odo glared at Lewis. "You're with me. Let's go."

His deputies had covered most of the Jefferies tubes in record time. Odo had a feeling they were at the wrong place--it would be smarter to get away from the docking ring, where everybody was waiting for the thief. He was heading, Lewis right behind him, towards the core of DS Nine. He had reconfigured a tricorder to recognize Changeling lifesigns similar to his own before. He knew the station as well as his quarters and followed the main Jeffries tube and the faint signal he was getting to when it ended. He was late.

As he rounded the last comer, he glimpsed an amber shiver of matter. The column formed a Human being and spun around, phaser in hand. The Changeling fired and hit Lewis who fell to the floor with a grunt.

Odo lunged at him before he had the time to aim a proper shot and they tumbled to the floor. The Book was belched out of the shapeshifter from where it was hidden and hit the wall with a thud.

The Changeling was strong--Odo knew that--but anger gave the constable support. He wrestled the phaser out of his hand and jerked it away. Suddenly, the thief shifted within Odo's grasp, whirled him over and reformed his hands around his throat and squeezed.

"There's no escaping us," the Changeling said. "You must really miss the Link at moments like these."

Odo gasped, gave up on the others hold and struck where Humanoids--and shapeshifters while in that shape--were vulnerable. The Changeling curled up as Odo drove his knee into his stomach and pushed him off. His eyes on his aggressor, he reached out blindly behind him and grabbed the pbaser, swinging it back to face the Founder while gripping the Book with his other hand.

He glared at Odo. "What? Are you going to shoot me?"

"You..." Odo said, panting, "...are under arrest."

"It wouldn't be the first time you killed a Changeling, Odo. Why don't you do it again?"

"You have the right to remain silent--"

"Come on, Odo," the Changeling said, taking a step forward, "You must hate us. You must hate me."

"If you wish for an advocate..." His voice died with a gargle of agony. Unsure of what he was doing, he raised the phaser again. "Odo to security. Get over here, fast!" The Changeling took another step. "Don't move!"

"Are you ever afraid, Odo?" he asked.

"Why do you want the Book?"

"That's none of your concern." He smiled. "Ah, congratulations. You got the Solid you wanted, I've heard."

"Leave Kira out of this!"

"Really, Odo, you should be grateful. Didn't we give you what you wanted? Somewhere to belong to, and the woman you think you love?"

"I...I belong." His voice faltered as the thoughts that had been troubling him resurfaced.

"Where do you belong?"

"I don't know anymore," he whispered tiredly.

"You belong to the Great Link, Odo." The Changeling melted his hand tantalizingly. "And you know it. Do you honestly think that Kira would have let you touch her if you weren't human?" He nodded knowingly. "You have much to thank us for."

"I have three years of misery to thank you for!" Odo barked. "Now stop moving and stop talking."

"We both know you're not going to shoot me. So I think I'll just go."

"No! Don't! I'll--"

The Changeling morphed into a bird and flew down the corridor and out of sight. Odo brought the phaser down, trembling. It was over. For now...

~~~~~

Julian Bashir folded his tricorder and handed it to a nurse. He smiled broadly to Kira but she had her eyes fixed on Odo.

"Odo, you're fine. Nothing's broken. I took care of the bruises around the neck. If you have any headache, just let me know and I'll give you something for the pain."

"Thank you, Doctor. May I go now?" He glanced at Kira one more time. "Please?"

"Of course."

Odo jumped off the biobed and turned to Kira, smiled gently. "I have to make a report. Why don't you go ahead to our quarters and rest? You look tired."

Kira nodded and he wondered what Bashir had given her for the flu--she seemed slightly dazed. Her voice was equally baffled. "Sure."

~~~~~

Odo's report to Sisko was short. There wasn't much to tell, except that he had lied. He told the Captain the Changeling had left him when he had heard security coming. Odo could hardly tell him he couldn't shoot the shapeshifter because he couldn't bring himself to it. That wasn't fit of a security chief. If he had been a Changeling, he could have stopped him.

Odo had lied to Sisko, he had lied to himself and he had lied to Kira. Ah, well, he sighed. He knew the truth now. He couldn't deny it any longer.

He didn't return to the quarters he shared with Kira, but to those he had abandoned over two years ago. They hadn't been re-occupied since and he had forgotten how big they were. They were even bigger without his shapeshifting exercise structures standing in the middle.

Odo walked to the Replicator and reactivated it with his access codes. He then proceeded to order a large bottle of--what was that drink Kira had with Parker? Tequila. He sat, cross-legged, in the middle of his happier days, and began to drink.

~~~~~

Kira waited for Odo for two hours. She didn't want to disturb him in the middle of his report, but she finally decided he had taken too long.

"Kira to Odo." No response came. "Kira to Sisko."

"Sisko here, Major."

"Captain, is Odo with you?"

"No. We finished over an hour ago. Is something--"

"Everything's fine, sir. Thank you. Kira out." She gritted her teeth, barely able to control her anger. "Computer, where is Security Chief Odo?"

The computers voice was maddeningly soothing. "Security Chief Odo is in section 35B of the Habitat ring."

Kira slammed her fist on the table and jumped to her feet. It was time they had a talk--the Kira way.

~~~~~

She stopped in front of his old quarters, took a deep breath in, and remembered what Jadzia had said about thinking before shouting. She threw her fist at the chimes but no one invited her to come in. Kira croaked the override codes and charged forth.

Odo swirled around to face her and they stared at each other for a few moments.

"Odo, we need to talk," Kira began. "I don't--"

"Nerys! The light of my life! The very breath of the Prophets!" He staggered forward. "Have I ever told you I love you?"

Kira gaped. "Oh, Gods, Odo. You're--you're--" She couldn't finish.

"I'm drunk! That's right, Nerys. Drunk, drunk, drunk." He blinked. "Or maybe not. I can think fairly clearly. I just don't care what I think. The most interesting feeling. I'm here...but I'm not really here. Are you here, darling?"

"I don't believe this!" She grabbed his arm. "Come on, let's get that out of your system."

"No!" He turned away from her and poured himself another glass. "I like it. No problems, no worries. Would you like some? You could get drunk with me, and then...I don't know. We could fuck right here."

Kira's face flushed to a bright crimson. "What's wrong with you? I don't--what happened, Odo? Why won't you talk to me?"

"Do you really want to know?"

"Of course, I do. You're my best friend and my lover--"

Odo interrupted contemptuously, "Well, I think if you really wanted to know, you bloody would by now!"

"All right, fine! If that's the way you want it--I don't know you. I don't know you at all. " She turned to leave before her anger got the better of either of them.

"But I love you, Nerys!" he cried out. Kira glared at him.

"Start acting like you do. Talk to me."

He swallowed his drink. "You're right, you know. You don't know me at all."

"I do know you, it's just--"

"No. You know Security Chief Odo. You don't know me." He gestured at something. "I'll tell you who I am. I am a Changeling! I am a Founder. I could be a chair, or a curtain, or a mug--"

"You're human now."

He didn't seem to have heard her. "'I carry my adornments on my soul,'" he began to recite with pomp. " I do not dress up like a popinjay...But inwardly, I keep my daintiness...I do not bear with me, by any chance...An insult not yet washed away - a conscience...Yellow with unpurged bile - an honor frayed...to rags, a set of scruples badly worn...I go caparisoned in gems unseen...trailing white plumes of freedom, garlanded...With my good name - no figure of a man...But a soul clothed in shining armor, hung...With deeds for decorations, twirling - thus...A bristling wit, and swinging at my side...Courage, and on the pylons of this old station...Making the sharp truth ring, like golden spurs!'" He chuckled. "'Cyrano de Bergerac'. One of my favorite plays. I changed the end...but you wouldn't know, would you?" Odo shook his head. "I'm a blob of goo on the inside, Nerys. You wouldn't understand."

"And what if I don't? I don't understand what it's like being Human! Or Vulcan!" She reached out for his hand. "But I understand that I love you. I don't care what you are or were."

"I guess we'll never know."

"You're not being fair." She watched him drop to the floor and fumble for the bottle. "I thought you were happy with me."

Odo considered one more glass of tequila and decided it was too much of an effort. "I am. But I've realized you were not all that I needed. I do need you, Nerys...but I need a soul to really love you."

"You have a soul, Odo, no matter what...what shape you are."

"I wish...I wish I could make you see...I believed I was doing fine. Everyday, I tried and tried...to be a Solid. I don't have a choice, really. I can't escape my body. Imagine what it would be like...to...understand the prophecies and suddenly lose your memory. And the more you read them, the more you think you understand them again, that's it's in your head somewhere, but you can't get to it." He looked at her, tears in his eyes, and all of Kira's anger died. His voice was sober and whisper soft. "I wish I could link with you, Nerys...so you could see."

"We can't link, but we can talk," she said softly, sitting next to him. "It's the best I can do."

"I do love you."

"I know."

Kira smiled softly and reached out for his hand, but he recoiled sluggishly from her touch and crawled to the window to pull himself up. His shoulders sagged heavily. She wasn't sure whether he was going to cry, laugh or simply faint as he moved to face her.

"I want to be with you, Nerys. But I don't know if I can. I need to--I don't know what I need to do."

"You don't need to get drunk, that's for sure."

"It seemed like a good idea. It's supposed to help."

"It helps avoiding the truth."

"That's not so bad."

"That's not you." Kira got up and leaned on the wall next to Odo. She crossed her arms and stared straight ahead. "I'm pregnant, Odo."

There was a long silence. Finally, he asked groggily, "What?"

"I thought it was the flu. But I'm pregnant."

"Oh." He blinked. "But how? I thought you...took precautions."

"I didn't think I needed to. Your DNA's human, and I thought for Bajorans and Humans to conceive, you had to take some kind of enzyme inhibitor. Julian said that there had been cases where it had happened naturally--but it's extremely rare--about zero point five percent."

"And we're the lucky ones." Kira nodded. Odo slipped to the floor again and she did the same. "Prophets, Nerys, I'm sorry."

"For what precisely?"

"Everything. How I've treated you...the baby. I've been such a jerk." His mind seemed to clear little by little, but he felt as if a Klingon was sitting on his head. She took his hand and he let her smooth out his hair.

"That's all right. I wasn't much help, either." Kira paused and looked at him until he returned her gaze. "So what do you think?" Her tone was brighter than her mood.

"I think..." he put his free hand on her abdomen. "I think we linked and we didn't even know it."

"What are we going to do?"

"We're going to have a baby. I'll be a good father, I promise." He managed to smile soberly to show her his intentions, quite an accomplishment considering his state.

"I know you will." She tugged at his sleeve. "Come on, you need Julian to give you something for that alcohol."

"You just sobered me up," he groaned.

"Hardly. You're going to have a terrible hangover."

"I deserve it," he argued.

She grinned. "No, that's too nice. You deserve Quark knowing about it."

Odo grimaced and stumbled to his feet behind Kira. He glanced at his old quarters and then at Kira, and wondered if it was going to work.

Prophets knew...


~ THE END ~

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